Paseo de Pensamientos

Religion in My Life

2009-05-05T14:26:00.000-07:00

When I was a young child, I was led to believe with all certainty that God existed. Not only that he existed, but that he played an integral part in what occurred in my life and the events thereafter. My mother was the greatest reason for this. She placed me in a private, Catholic school from the very beginning. My siblings and I attended church with her every Sunday. Mass was also held on Wednesday during school. I was baptized, went through first communion, confession, confirmation, ext. I knew most prayers by heart. I had no doubts about what I was being taught in my religion class. After attending a public school in the seventh grade, everything changed. I was exposed to other opinions and views about religion and God. This has led me to question things that I am told more thoroughly. There are so many contradictions in the Bible, for me it is difficult to accept everything it states as true. I was no longer certain that God exists. I also started to view my mother differently. A little more naïve, perhaps. I questioned how her faith could be so strong, or even if it really is strong. She has talked to me about it a little, before I received confirmation, but still I am somewhat unclear. What I do understand is that her primary goal of putting us in a Catholic school was to instill within us, her children, good morals and strong values. I once heard the quote: “If you don't grow up believing in something, you will end up believing in nothing” or something along those lines. Maybe she said that, I'm not sure. Honestly I am not sure how much she truly cares that I stick to the Catholic faith and follow God's will. I really do think that she just wanted us to have an extra emphasis on understanding right and wrong. She wants us to be the best people we can be. Compassionate, well mannered, ext. I think, for the most part, it worked. We have morals and values instilled within us, and, for me anyway, it doesn't necessarily connect to God in anyway. I do think she wants us to believe in something bigger than ourselves. Connected to this I know that she has faith in prayer. She always tell me, in times that I feel I have no control over something,that I can pray about it. I like that I can know a faith without fully believing in it. I am not sure I believe it in at all, for that matter. It makes me feel less ignorant. I know quite a few people who are very religious. It is interesting to hear their stories of how they have come their conclusions in terms of religion. So far none have been convincing enough for me.

A friend of mine invited me to join a group on Facebook titled “Time For God.” Of course I did not join, but I really enjoyed reading some of the discussion topics. I read them all for fun. There are always a lot of interesting points brought up, and just ideas or concepts to think about in general. They cover concepts like free will, God's omnipotence, fallibility, the Bible, sovereignty, predestination, ext. Sometimes I think it is pointless to think so much about these topics, but still it is intriguing to me, the logic, or lack there of, that some people argue so adamantly.

Fun & Interesting Videos

2009-05-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

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Superstition

2009-05-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

As noted in my list of 25 thing about me, you can see I see superstition as a sign of weakness. This is because those who are superstitious tend to believe things easily, without really examining the validity behind a statement or impression. A superstitious person searches for no scientific backing before placing faith into something, usually out of ignorance or fear. Superstition is simply an irrational belief. Superstitions vary form country to country, but are usually centered around luck or prophecy. Also, usually religions view the beliefs of other religions as superstitious. In fact, the Roman Catholic Church views superstition as sinful because it shows a lack of trust in God.

Here is a list of some common superstitions, retrived from: http://www.csicop.org/superstition/library/common.html

A rabbit's foot brings good luck
Friday the thirteenth is an unlucky day
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
To find a four-leaf clover is to find good luck
If you walk under a ladder, you will have bad luck
If a black cat crosses your path you will have bad luck
To break a mirror will bring you seven years bad luck
To open an umbrella in the house is to bring bad luck
To find a horseshoe brings good luck
Step on a crack, break your mother's back
You can break a bad luck spell by turning seven times in a clockwise circle
Garlic protects from evil spirits and vampires
Our fate is written in the stars
At the end of a rainbow is a pot of gold
Clothes worn inside out will bring good luck
Wearing your birthstone will bring you good luck
If you blow out all of the candles on your birthday cake with the first breath you will get whatever you wish for
To have a wish come true using a wishbone, two people make a wish, then take hold of each end of the bone and pull it until it separates. The person with the longer end gets his or her wish
An itchy palm means money will come your way
A beginner will always have good luck: beginner's luck
A cat has nine lives
Eating fish makes you smart
Toads cause warts
A cricket in the house brings good luck
Crossing your fingers helps to avoid bad luck and helps a wish come true
It is bad luck to sing at the table
It is bad luck to sleep on a table
After receiving a container of food, the container should never be returned empty
A lock of hair from a baby's first haircut should be kept for good luck
A bird that comes in your window brings bad luck
To refuse a kiss under mistletoe causes bad luck
Goldfish in the pond bring good luck
Goldfish in the house bring bad luck
For good luck, wear new clothes on Easter
An acorn at the window can keep lightning out of the house
If the bottom of your feet itch, you will make a trip
When a dog howls, death is near
It is bad luck to chase someone with a broom
A sailor wearing an earring cannot drown
To find a penny heads up, brings good luck
To cure a sty, rub it with a gold wedding band
Animals can talk at midnight on Christmas Eve
A drowned woman floats face up, a drowned man floats face down
A person cannot drown before going under three times
To drop a fork means a woman will visit
To drop a knife means a man will visit
To drop a spoon means a child will visit
To drop a dishcloth means bad luck is coming
If you shiver, someone is casting a shadow on your grave
To make a happy marriage, the bride must wear: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue
The wedding veil protects the bride from the evil eye
Washing a car will bring rain
You must get out of bed on the same side you got in on or you will have bad luck
Evil spirits cannot harm you when you are standing in a circle
A cat will try to take the breath from a baby Warm hands, cold heart Cold hands, warm heart
It is unlucky to rock an empty rocking chair
To kill an albatross is to cause bad luck to the ship and all upon it
Wearing an opal when it is not your birthstone is bad luck
Smell dandelions, wet the bed
To give someone a purse or wallet without money in it will bring that person bad luck
A forked branch, held with a fork in each hand, will dip and point when it passes over water

-During the outbreak of the Bubonic Plague in Europe, Pope Gregory I ordered that “God bless you” be said to help stop the spread of the disease, which sneezing was thought to be an early symptom of. Now “God bless you” is still said when someone sneezes, only this time out of politeness.

-Knocking on wood also has an interesting origin. There was a pagan belief that spirits lived in trees, and by knocking on or touching the tree you were paying tribute and would be brought good luck.

-Carrying a rabbits foot is one of the oldest superstitious traditions. The left hind foot is the foot that is supposed to bring good luck. It began in Africa, and then spread to the United States with the shipping of slaves. Rabbits are a sign of fertility and abundance, and the hind leg especially is lucky because when a rabbit runs, the back feet land before the front feet.

-Fear of the number 13 has affected society in a number of ways. This fear, also known as triskaidekaphobia, is said to stem from the fact that Judas was the thirteenth member present at the Last Supper. He is considered the betrayer of Jesus. Most hotels don't have a 13th floor, and most airports don't have a 13th gate.

What People Could Say Behind My Back

2009-05-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

I can't be sure what people talk about when they talk about me behind my back (which they might). However I have a pretty good idea of one thing that they might not appreciate about me. I can be very technical in terms of word choice and grammar. If someone using the wrong form of a word for example, I will tell them they have used the incorrect form. People don't like it when you point out their mistakes. Also, it really bothers me when people say “I seen.” I don't always say something about this to them, however, because I realize that most likely their parents use “I seen” and they have picked it up in their vocabulary and they will probably keep using it even if I say something. Or say someone says “I have five fingers.” This is incorrect. You have four fingers and one thumb. Little things like that. I guess ignorance is annoying to me. I like learning new facts because it lessens my ignorance. Opposites of words is another thing. Sometimes a word might be similar to the opposite, but it's not really the exactly opposite. Another way I can be technical is with the whole genericized trademark thing, which I have a blog about. It also bothers me when people continuously qualify their statements or use I....or their writing is informal when it shouldn't be. Only sometimes though. I am not crazy by any means. Oh, this facet about me is also probably why I enjoy editing papers.

Still Around The Corner

2009-05-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

Still around the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate
And though I have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun
-Tolkien

It is so refreshing and exciting to hear a thought about life that makes it seem so much less predictable than many people make it out to be. The 'secret gate' and 'hidden paths' make it sound as though the speaker will uncover something new and beautiful through his or her decision. More importantly, that we can too through our own decisions. The speaker feels as though he/she is not ready to take that leap into the unknown world of adventure yet. This may be a reflection of the same security the reader needs to feel. The poem still brings a sense of excitement that transfers to the reader. It instills a sense of anticipation that seems to have been widely lost. The speaker gives a confident spark of hope that the day will come, and he will go. Tolkien is suggesting that the solution to escape the mundaneness of everyday life one seems to get entrapped into is to take new roads and explore the secret gates. To live more spontaneously, with curiosity and excitement of the unknown. Life doesn't have to be predictable; it's up to us how we choose to live our lives.

Judging the Word Itself

2009-05-03T18:12:00.001-07:00

It used to be that when I thought of the word judgment, it had negative connotations. Probably because I was thinking of prejudgment, and of the idea of people judging one another, from their physical appearance, background, and decisions. I thought of misconceptions, prejudice, and stereotypes. I aimed to be continuously nonjudgmental.

I think this is common for those of my generation. We are less judgmental than the previous generations. We are more willingly accept different racial backgrounds, sexual orientations, religions, ext., along with different opinions and views. Being more accepting certainly is beneficial. It leads to more freedom of self expression, and cooperation among people. This generation sees the act of being nonjudgmental as essential in almost every situation but the extreme, such as murder, and even then we can be sympathetic.

I think we have nearly forgotten the importance of some judgment in one sense. Of course we should protect the freedoms of others. However, if we continuously reason out all views and actions of individuals, even those that are immoral and harmful with the excuse that they have freedoms too, then we also are opposing our own goal in one way. We oppose it when we say that it is okay for someone to express hatred and discrimination, because it is their own view and right. In other words, complete openness can be self destructive. A line needs to be drawn. Judgment of others should take place when one persons self expression interferes with the freedoms and rights of another.

Overall, judgment has unfairly become attached to a negative connotation. It is essential.

In fact, if we lost judgment completely, there would be chaos. No decisions could be made at all. How would you decide what to wear in the morning? Or what to eat for lunch? On a deeper note, how would you decide what is right and wrong? It is impossible to set moral standards without some judgment...

It seems that when we judge others, it's always wrong. However, judging for ourselves is necessary.

Truth

2009-04-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

It is intriguing to investigate the two primary views on truth.

Relativists, or those who view truth as subjective, see truth as a state of existence. They conclude that if something is true in any persons mind, it is a truth.

Does subjective truth (relative truth) mean that two people can contradict one another and both be right? Logically, two contradicting beliefs cannot both be right. Yet, this is what subjective truth implies. Usually, with contradictions, there will be a majority that believes one side true, and there is a general consensus or agreement of truth (which often changes with the accumulation of knowledge). Yet, I must point out that if subjective truth is true for everyone, it is perhaps the one and only absolute truth. Therefore, often times relativists are not really relativists, because they believe that subjective truth is always true for everyone (which would be an absolute truth).

Subjective truth is especially interesting in it's relation to memory. Each individual remembers an event differently due to our different background and circumstances, our individual perspective which has been influenced by all of our previous experiences and encounters. Therefore, an entirely unaffected, truthful account of an event is nonexistent to any single human. Most of our memories are not correct. There will always be bias that enters into any interpretation of anything; whether it does so consciously or subconsciously is irrelevant. This reaction is an inevitable result of the surrounding rhetoric we interact with.

(A great play that connects to this idea of memory and subjective truth is The Glass Menagerie, by Tennessee Williams.)

Objective truth, on the other hand, implies that there are only absolute truths, or truths that exist regardless of what individuals believe or do. In other words, it's reality is independent from our minds. It is hard to believe, however, that something can be true for all people, at all times, and in all places. Objective truth is favored by scientists because it can be predicted. It has been discovered, not created.

It might be easier to think of subjectivity and objectivity in terms of facts, not truths. To me, there are both subjective and objective facts. So maybe there can be both objective and subjective truths as well.

Reflections

2009-04-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
-Marcel Proust

The moment I stepped out of Beijing's international airport and hopped onto a shuttle bus, and then into a taxi to the dormitory where I would be staying for eight weeks, I knew that my experience as a Borlaug~Ruan intern was going to be more exciting than I had ever imagined. Looking out the window, I felt like a child, entertained by even the slightest things. The heat, the big city lights and fast conversations in Chinese were together overwhelming. Dr. Dingming Kang, my supervisor to be for the summer, helped me to arrive safely at my dorm on campus. Traveling from the small city of La Crosse, Wisconsin, everything was new to me; from slight differences like the smell of the city, to the smoggy sky, to huge differences like being a minority.

Soon I met my roommate, Siska, who quickly became a good friend and mentor to me. Although she was Indonesian and spoke her native language, she was also practiced in both Chinese and English. In addition, she was familiar with Peking's campus and the city of Beijing. How incredibly lucky I was! As you can imagine, through-out my stay, Siska was unbelievably helpful. She knew where I could go to get anything I needed, and would often go with me. While the subway system in Beijing is relatively easy to utilize, the bus system requires knowledge of Chinese characters and is difficult to use on one's own. One of the most unique aspects of knowing Siska was being introduced to her friends. I was able to meet new people from a variety of culturally diverse backgrounds. In fact, Siska is perhaps the most culturally diverse person I have ever met. Daily, she interacted with friends from Brazil, Mongolia, Singapore, the US, China, Indonesia, and other countries. She spent about one half of her life living in Indonesia, and the other in China. She listens to English music and majored in International Relations (she graduated before I left). Although she may not be aware of it, my roommate taught me a lot about appreciating and integrating cultural diversification and understanding into my own life. I know now how daily fun activities with friends can be such a learning process.

Indeed, all of the people I spent time with impacted me in some way. Dr. Kang was another mentor whom I constantly learned from through our daily conversations. We often compared his insight into the customs of the Chinese people to those of the US so that we could learn from one another. He also knew bits of intriguing historical information brought up at sites or museums around the city. Of course, he also gave me explanations on some of the processes I was assisting with in the lab. Dr. Kang gave me an overview of both China's culture and plant genetic engineering.

Apart from individuals, there was a group of people that also opened my eyes: Mei, Jane, Amy, Crystelé, Kangtai, Lei, and all other friends at the laboratory. Most of all, they made me realize how lucky I am. The education system in China requires that students choose one of two paths: humanities or science, and then follow through with that path. Their choice of major if they decide to attend a university cannot be changed. Students in the US often change their majors several times before finding the 'right one.' One of the students I talked to was not happy with their choice of work, but they had to continue research in the lab because there was no other choice. Another way in which I feel lucky is because I have siblings. There is a restriction on the number of children families in China can have due to overpopulation reasons, so the first child is often the only child. I value growing up with three siblings, because I feel it has impacted who I am today in a positive way. Besides making me more thankful, the students I worked with have shared with me a deeper meaning behind their work. The research they do would not be considered 'fun' by most people. There is a lot of repetition, waiting, and discouragement when results are invalidating. Yet, the purpose behind it is so motivating that they are willing to come in every day and continue with their experiments. The chance of playing a role in changing the lives of others is a powerful drive for individuals everywhere that, collaboratively, does make a difference.

Not all of my realizations came through others. Much of the information I absorbed during my stay was through pure observation. Those on bikes riding with masks to keep from breathing the small particles of dust that pollute the air, for example, shows me how living conditions can be pestiferous in such a crowded city. The large population posed other problems as well. When it rains, much of the biking lanes become flooded due to the poor drainage system. The already crowded sidewalks are then bombarded with bikers hastily on their way. I was one of these bikers, and I can assure you it is not an easy mode of travel. The large number of people was obvious on the streets, especially when you can expect no seat on the bus but instead to pack in tightly with strangers. An amusing thing about these strangers was the T-shirts many of them wore. Most were designed in nonsensical English writing, often with grammatical errors. I was told that people buy these shirts unaware of what the writing on them means. It is not always about meaning, however. Young people especially simply seem to want to be more American-like in the way they act and dress. At nice malls and at night clubs, the music played is in English. It was also easy for me to view the way Westerners are treated. I felt that I was very curious to them, and was often stared at or sometimes asked questions by strangers. Although they may not be familiar with Westerners themselves, the Western culture is present within this metropolitan city, such as the McDonald's and KFC fast food restaurants. Overall, though, the differences in food were tremendous. Ice water here, hot water there. Rice, rice, and more rice. Many of the differences have reasoning, however. Typhoid can be spread through the water, and so it must be boiled before use. Foods that are naturally grown in a region are, and should be, eaten more there.

Along with my consistent cultural observations and the people I met, the places I visited helped to give me new eyes. Visiting the small farm town Wuqiao gave me a perspective of the rural area of China. We went to Wuqiao to see an experimental station of China Agricultural University (CAU). Viewing the lifestyle the cotton farmers the CAU cooperates with work was interesting. The people work very hard all day, and then at night have small festival-like activities for the whole town, with dancing, music, and rides. Despite the fact that the farmers work hard, they don't earn very much money. Most cars and trucks have only three wheels, because they are cheaper. Also, while I thought a foreigner seemed noticeable in Beijing, I was even more noticeable in a rural area where most of the residents have probably never seen a foreigner.

Besides living in Beijing, visiting Beidaihe with another intern located at the Chinese Academy of Agricultural Sciences (CAAS), Sarah, and her friends exposed me to tourism in China. Unique to Beidaihe was that it was a strong attraction for Russian tourists. Instead of signs in English and Chinese as seen in Beijing, there were signs in Russian and Chinese. I was spoken to several times in Russian, and came to realize what it felt like to be misunderstood in terms of others making assumptions about me. Allegedly due to the upcoming Olympic soccer matches being held in Beidaihe, there were regulations on which hotels different nationalities could reside. Americans, in particular, were highly discriminated against and we had trouble finding a place to stay. The experience was a quite exasperating new position for me.

My experience as an intern has changed who I am today. It has inspired me, and it has propelled me. I have become more sensitive to those around me on Iowa State University's (ISUs) campus due the the extreme sensitivity that I felt abroad. Not only am I more sensitive to those around me, especially foreign students, but I am more likely to treat them with an understanding that getting by alone in the unfamiliar can be difficult. At one point, I had to travel from one location in Beijing to another through pure communication. After getting lost searching for a particular bus stop, students directed me to another bus stop where I had to ask which bus to take to my desired endpoint, since my old directions no longer applied. Trusting the young lady and jumping onto the bus, I then had to find when to get off. Once I arrived safely, a wave of relief came over me and I realized the sort of independence I had gained in just weeks on my own. I found myself to be more independent with my decisions, as I had to ask myself: What I was going to eat for dinner? What was necessary to buy and what could I live without (even if only for eight weeks)? How can I get from here to there? From being placed in these situations and others, such as using chopsticks to eat (it's amazing how quickly one picks this skill up when one has to), I have learned skills that have prepared me for my independent life now at ISU.

This independence has rolled into a newfound sense of confidence in what I can achieve. Furthermore, I am less intimidated by the unknown and the fears associated with it. A little bit of understanding, and a little bit of practice, is sometimes all it takes. So I can follow a map in Chinese, and use chopsticks, and haggle like a Chinese person to avoid getting taken advantage of. Taking the time to understand the differences in values between cultures can make things more clear. In terms of looks, light skin is considered beautiful there, while tanned skin is often preferred in America. So this is why they use umbrellas on a nice, sunny day! Or, why the abundance of red? For good luck, of course. My sensitivity, my independence, and my confidence have all grown tremendously from being in a foreign country, far from home, over the course of two months as an intern.

In a sense, the experience could be seen as what Thomas Friedman might call a “flattener.” It has globalized my life by flattening the obstacles that prevent me from leveling with the rest of the world. Communication and exchange of ideas has been made easier for me than ever before, overseas or not. The experience has made my world smaller by allowing me to perceive foreign things as, well, less foreign. We are all, after all, more alike than different.

Writing Without Stopping

2009-04-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

So I need a lot of words and I have no idea how I am going to come up with all of them. I just decided I am going to start writing like this and keep writing until I can absolutely not think of anything else to write, which hopefully doesn't happen because you can always write what you are thinking. Therefore I would need to stop thinking! Now that I think of it I remember watching a movie, Finding Forrester I believe it was, where the author made the boy who had talent at writing do this. He sat at a typewriter and just was told to write. Sometimes people have writers block, I think it is very common actually. Writers block is not a very good feeling, especially when you need to get something done. I could never be a writer because I would probably get writers block a lot. Well, there are more reasons than this that I could not be a writer. I usually spend a large amount of time on my essays and papers (at least I used to in high school) when they involve analyzing books or poems or other pieces of writing where there are themes and symbols and motifs and all sorts of entangling concepts and characters. This analysis type of paper, or a creative writing piece, take me the most time to write. It is much easier for me to write papers where I have to either summarize or do research to find information either for an informative or persuasive essay. When there are strict guidelines, it takes out the guesswork for me and I can work much faster. So this blog writing falls not in to the easy category whatsoever, but it isn't necessarily creative writing or an analysis either. It is more of diary writing, which I guess can be it's own category since I am just making up these categories anyway for this sole purpose.

As I am attempting to just continue writing without stopping for some length of time, I am recalling an activity we did in English class my sophomore year for fun, if there was extra time in class or something. It actually is a very helpful activity I think, because it improves one's ability to speak in public. What happens is there are words written on the board that you cannot say. Not just any words, but what we call space fillers. Words you use when you don't know what to say or are pausing in between thoughts. Here is a list of what I can think of off of the top of my head: so, and, but, um, like, you know. There are quite a few more I am sure. Voluntarily students can choose to go sit on a stool at the front of the class or stand if they want, but usually it is easier if you sit because you feel more comfortable and relaxed and you want to stay there for a while. This student at the front of the class simply needs to talk to the class...about anything they want. It can be completely random, and doesn't have to follow any sort of topic or order. The point is to go as long as possible without saying any of the words on the board. Words like but and and can be used in certain cases. The audience will be able to tell when the speaker is trying to fill in empty space with words. It is more difficult than many imagine it to be. Besides being a great way to practice public speaking skills, it is very entertaining. It is voluntary but there is still a sense of competition to see who can go the longest.

At this point I am going to change the subject because that one is worn out if you ask me. Also I need to keep writing so I cannot keep going on about the same thing without boring myself even, not to mention the person reading it! Sometimes you only have so much to say about something. This weekend is Easter weekend. Instead of going home, I will be right here on campus instead. Of course I wanted to go home. In fact, Easter is the only other holiday besides Halloween that is centered at our house. You see, with our family the holidays are split up. The my aunt and her family takes Thanksgiving and my uncle John (a chef!), takes Christmas, which is also held at the Castle. The Fourth of July is spent up in Michigan at my grandparents house where we light fireworks and it is beautiful because there is the lake right in the background. By the way, we call the house that my uncle lives in the castle because it is located on Cass Street, the same street as all of the big, fancy houses in La Crosse, and it has turrets and a porch that wraps almost entirely around the house. I will see if I can find a picture of it. Part of Halloween is also spent there. It is actually owned not just by my uncle but also my dad and my aunt who inherited it from their parents, whom I never got to meet. Actually there is a picture of it online! Cool.

I think it would be amazing if someday I could fix up the inside a little and live there. I'm not really sure if that could happen though. It would probably be expensive to upkeep. Right now some of the space is being rented to people who live there and my uncle just lives on the first floor. I was told there use to be a bowling lane in the basement, but now the basement is in very poor shape. It is very cool though, I wouldn't mind living in La Crosse and living in this house in the future.

Well I have gotten sick of writing here...

Instantes (Instants)

2009-04-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

Instantes
Jorge Luis Borges (1899-1986)
Poeta argentino

Si pudiera vivir nuevamente mi vida,
en la próxima trataría de cometer más errores.
No intentaría ser tan perfecto, me relajaría más.
Sería más tonto de lo que he sido,
de hecho tomaría muy pocas cosas con seriedad.
Sería menos higiénico.
Correría más riesgos,
haría más viajes,
contemplaría más atardeceres,
subiría más montañas, nadaría más ríos.
Iría a más lugares adonde nunca he ido,
comería más helados y menos habas,
tendría más problemas reales y menos imaginarios.

Yo fui una de esas personas que vivió sensata
y prolíficamente cada minuto de su vida;
claro que tuve momentos de alegría.
Pero si pudiera volver atrás trataría
de tener solamente buenos momentos.

Por si no lo saben, de eso está hecha la vida,
sólo de momentos; no te pierdas el ahora.

Yo era uno de esos que nunca
iban a ninguna parte sin un termómetro,
una bolsa de agua caliente,
un paraguas y un paracaídas;
si pudiera volver a vivir, viajaría más liviano.

Si pudiera volver a vivir
comenzaría a andar descalzo a principios
de la primavera
y seguiría descalzo hasta concluir el otoño.
Daría más vueltas en calesita,
contemplaría más amaneceres,
y jugaría con más niños,
si tuviera otra vez vida por delante.

Pero ya ven, tengo 85 años...
y sé que me estoy muriendo.

Instants
Jorge Luis Borges (1899-1986)
Argentine Poet
Translated to English; retrieved from
http://www.poemhunter.com/best-poems/jorge-luis-borges/instantes-instants/

If I could live again my life,
In the next I would try to commit more errors.
I would not try to be so perfect,
I would relax more.
I would be more foolish than I've been,
In fact, I would take few things seriously.
I would be less hygienic.
I would run more risks,
take more vacations,
contemplate more sunsets,
climb more mountains, swim more rivers.
I would go to more places where I've never been,
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans,
I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.

I was one of those people that lived sensiblyand prolifically each minute of his life;
Of course I had moments of happiness.
But if I could go back I would try
to have only good moments.

Because if you didn't know, of that life is made:
only of moments; don't lose the now.

I was one of those that never
went anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot-water bottle,
an umbrella, and a parachute;
If I could live again, I would travel lighter.

If I could live again,
I would begin to walk barefoot from the beginning of spring
and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends.
I would take more cart rides,
contemplate more sunrises,
and play with more children,

If I had another life ahead of me.
But already you see, I am 85...
and I know that I am dying.

My favorite line of this poem, originally written in Spanish by Jorge Luis Borges, is “tendría más problemas reales y menos imaginarios.” This translates to “I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.” I feel like a lot of the time, my problems aren't real problems. Most of the stuff that I worry about doesn't even happen. Still, time and again I continue to worry about the same types of things. I become stressed over things that are minute and minuscule, especially compared to the problems of so many others. What if I had the problem of not having anywhere to sleep at night? Or what about where I was going to get my next meal? It simply seems so ridiculous how centered humans are on their own problems, that even if they are small, they are made to be big. Things get put out of proportion this way. A real problem would be something that endangers my ability to live. For example, in my nutrition class we are currently covering the topic of world wide nutritional deficiencies, such as that of Vitamin A or Iodine. The quality of life of people suffering from these deficiencies is extremely diminished due to the pain and suffering that a lack of essential nutrients causes. It is a problem that never has, and probably never will, exist for me. In fact, I have a multivitamin that has 100%, or near 100%, of the daily value of all of these essential vitamins and minerals, plus some more! A fully years supply at that. I don't even take this multivitamin every day, because I don't feel it is necessary...

I will try to take the advice in this poem and really put it to practice. The line: “Because if you didn't know, that is what life is made of: only moments, don't lose the now” reminds me of my sister. This is because while I am the type of person that will save money, she buys things that she wants but doesn't really need. This is because she has the mentality of "why not?" The mentality of...this is my life, right now. I am living it now. Why should I wait to purchase things that I want and wait to do the things that I want to do. Why should I only buy things that I need if I can afford to buy what I want, too? Yet, to me she doesn't know that she will be able to afford something she needs in the future. She doesn't need to know, because there is always family as a backup. She can fail a class and be OK with it because to her that loss is affordable. It isn't for me. Yes there will always be my parents to help pay for college and such things, to support me and take me in if I need it. However, I don't want to have to ever rely on that. I am more independent in that way. Still, I do sometimes think too much of the future. I conclude that I don't need most things, and that I shouldn't spend money on things that I simply want. It will not make me happier, right? It is important that I can pay for college and have money in case something were to happen to me. Security is important. I need to think about what I am going to do with my life, and prepare for that. Time spent preparing though can be a waste of the time I have now.

It is difficult to do what Borges is proposing he would do if he had another life to live (and in this way what he is conclusively asking us to do the first time, since there is no reason he should reflect upon this for sorrow, it is too late for him—his goal is to impact others with his words). For me, at least, it is difficult to take few things seriously and to try not to be perfect. Well, I have gotten better at not trying to be perfect. I am not always serious, either, since I do have a sense of humor but it is mostly sarcasm which I have been told isn't good humor at all, because it can be hurtful. Anyway, my general outlook on life is pretty serious. I will make it a point to remember and try to follow Borges' advice. I find old people are often full of wisdom!

Art and Creativity

2009-04-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

Alice in Wonderland is one of my favorite animated movies. They are coming out with a revised version in 2010, with Johnny Depp playing The Mad Hatter. I am not sure if I will like the new one. Usually, I have found, when you like something you had to see it changed. I am not sure what it is I like about the movie. I think it has to do with how creative it is. How creative Lewis Carroll was, that is. Another creative movie which I watched more recently is Stardust (2007). Stardust is about a young man, Tristen, who goes searching for a star to bring back to win a ladies heart. Yet, he has to get to the other side of the wall which is guarded. On the other side of the field is a magical world. The star he finds is actually a girl, whom he falls in love. Yet the star, Yvaine, is being pursued by there witches who will gain youth from her heart, and also by the sons of the king of this magical world because, actually, of why she fell in the first place. She was hit by a ruby that the king threw and ordered whichever of his sons could find and retrieve it would be king. It is simply another fairy tale, but quite creative if you ask me.

Sometimes I wonder how people can be so creative. I myself am not very creative. Maybe this is why I admire artists so much. Really, if I could have a talent it might be that I would be good at art. What makes a good artist, anyway? Real artists can picture things in their head unlike other people. Small details become significant. The mundane becomes fascinating. In fact, I think they have a different outlook on life itself. Beauty is seen more easily, like in nature or just everyday things like a little kid full of dirt or something. This reminds me of a photography presentation on Richard Avedon. He was a famous artist from New York who shot fashion and portrait photos. His portrait photos are what I was thinking of. The subjects are not smiling in them. They are just everyday people, many who worked in factories or other similar jobs and he had them wear their work clothes. Here are some pictures taken by Richard Avedon:

Back to the previous topic of art. Good art makes you think. It goes beyond the obvious image and makes a statement or a proposition, or even poses a question. Sometimes it could just be very aesthetically appealing or interesting. Also, I've just realized that talent isn't something that would earn me a lot of money or fame. At least not how I picture it. I don't even know why it is a desirable trait to me. Maybe it would more or less be a way for me to express my ideas and thoughts, and relieve stress. There would be products that I would be proud of, something to leave behind. I realize that I can do that through writing, but I also realize that the writing method has not been working out for me thus far.

How To Make An American Quilt

2009-04-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

How to Make an American Quilt (1995) is a book and movie centered around the theme of love and relationships. The main character, Finn Dodd, goes to visit her great aunt and grandmother, who are in a quilting bee, so that she can finish her thesis paper on quilting. The women are creating a quilt for Finn as a wedding gift. All of the women in the movie symbolize the different kinds of love told through stories of their past. The following script is a conversation between Finn and one of the women, Marianna.

-I was a wild thing
All these men tried to tie me down.
Marry me! Marry me! ...in five different languages.
I refused to be tied down to anyone.
-Good. Good for you.
-Oh, you think so?
-You're kidding? To have that kind of courage?
Especially someone from your generation.
-Really?
-You see, what they don't tell us is that marriage is an anachronistic institution, created for the sole convenience of the father who needs to pass off his daughter into the care of another man, like, 'Here, here. She eats too much. Take her off my hands.'
You know, now.
Now that we've gotten our independence, that we earn our own living.
There's no purpose in being someone's wife.
Why can't we love as many people as we want in our life time?
Monogamy is really a very unnatural state that's been forced on us for centuries
by screwed up religious leaders who are completely out of touch with their own sexuality.
You know what I mean?
-Have you been talking to your fiancée about any of this?
-All right. Let me ask you this.
If you were to choose between marrying a lover and marrying ...a friend,
...who would you choose?
-I would marry my soul mate.

This script was taken from:
Drew. "How To Make An American Quilt Script - Dialogue Transcript." Script-O-Rama. 9 Mar 2009 <http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/h/how-to-make-an-american- quilt-script.html>.

I found Finn's reaction to be intriguing and acute. I have never heard this opinion about marriage before, and she certainly puts it in a unique way. It is a very feminist opinion. As I said before, I find it interesting. I understand her point that women have gained independence, and that marriage is no longer necessarily serves the same purpose as it has been in the past. Even so, does that mean it serves no purpose at all? I don't think so. Could it be that monogamy is an unnatural state? It seems to be natural enough to me. There must be some sort of research done on this. Also, at the end she seems to propose that a lover and a friend cannot be the same person. I would like to think they can be.

Finn's point has caused me to recall something I learned in sociology class in high school. This is that men tend to be more happy in marriage than women. Now maybe this isn't true, but it is certainly what my teacher had told me. The reason behind it is that women gain responsibilities, such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, ext., while men lose responsibility. They no longer have to care for themselves as much. I think this is the way it was for a long time, and perhaps still is for many families. Yet, I also think that women have gained power in relationships. It seems that women are now making more decisions and that they have more control and influence over the family than before.

Handwriting/Palmistry/Astrology

2009-04-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

It is a beautiful day out today. This really influences my mood. It is amazing how it can do that, isn't it? Even if was stressed the night before, as I was last night, it all seems better the next day when the weather is lovely. Although, I do like thunderstorms. Pouring rain in general, I enjoy. The only thing that I see these two have in common—sun and rain—is that they both are vital for the growth of living things.

As I write this, well I wrote this on paper initially, and I was noticed that my handwriting is not very clear, as usual. It seems, however, that girls generally have better handwriting than guys. I wonder why this is. Maybe it has to do with the idea that girls are better communicators. They are always the ones in the relationship who want to 'talk.' Writing is a major form of communication. They may not correlate, but it is a thought. Just because I have poor handwriting doesn't mean I am a bad communicator does it? However, I have been told that I am difficult to read, meaning that my expressions and body language do not give away or reveal my thoughts easily. A few people have told me that they can normally read everyone around them, that they are good at it, but that they cannot read me. This is why I am good at poker. Can you really tell someone's personality from their handwriting? I suppose everyones is different, just like we have different fingerprints. Both are used in crime solving. Deciphering handwriting maybe be like deciphering a person's palm. I am skeptical of how legitimate the idea of 'reading' a persons palm is, as in being able to tell one's personality and future based off of their palm. Perhaps it is possible, but I don't see where the evidence to back it up is. I have a book on palmistry, but I have never spent the time to really learn it. I don't plan on it, either.

The idea of palmistry has reminded me of astrology. A major theme of astrology is the horoscope. I remember a friend of mine telling me that in a class once, they were each told they received their astrological personality profile or something like that. Then they were asked how many of them thought that it fit them? She said a good majority, at least half, raised their hand in agreement that it does seem like them. Yet, all of the students were actually given the same one. Not only that, but it was the given personality profile for a mass murderer. The results are not surprising if you ask me. I think it is obvious why horoscopes should not be trusted. Yet, every day there are people that read their horoscope with anticipation. Do they really believe that their day will have the same predicted outline as 1/12th of the world's population? It is completely and utterly unrealistic in my opinion. I simply have to assume they don't actually trust it, and that the reason they read their daily horoscope is out of boredom and dull curiosity.

Bloody Rejection!

2009-04-28T21:27:00.000-07:00

Today I got rejected. Just like last time, and the time before that. I went in there confident that this attempt would be successful. Wrong. I guess this happens a lot, people getting rejected from donating blood. There are a lot of different reasons for an individual to be ineligible for donation. Out of these three times, there were three different reasons for me. The first time, I had a taken a Typhoid vaccination recently in preparation for my trip to China. Apparently this is unacceptable. The second time, I had a cold. That will do more harm that good, considering these patients already have low immune systems. The third time, I had an iron level of 37. This is within the healthy range for a female, and patients can receive blood with a count of 36, as the nurse told me. However, they have especially high standards and so they had to turn me away. Every attempt before these last three times I have been able to give blood. It really upset me, this rejection. Wanting to help and not being able it is a terrible feeling. I should be able to help save 3 peoples lives, but because they have extra special standards, I will save none.

Santería

2009-04-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

For Spanish class, I did a report on Santeria. The assignment was a presentation, in Spanish of course. This was not turned in for homework, it is simply a compilation, written by me, of information that I used to create my presentation. I found this religion and its origins to be interesting.

Sateria, meaning “veneration of the saints,” is a syncretic religion that combines Yoruban beliefs with and Roman Catholic traditions. It is also called “La Regla Lucumi (or Lukumi)” and “La Regla de Ocha” which is the traditional faith of the Yoruba inhabitants. Yoruba is a west African community in Southwest Nigeria.

Origins
Santeria was founded in 1515, due to slave trades. Yoruba natives were transported to the Caribbean countries of Cuba, Haiti, Brazil, Trinidad, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, and others. Santeria specifically originated in Cuba and Brazil. For this reason it is considered an Afro-Caribbean religion. As the Yorubans were unwillingly baptized within the Roman Catholic Faith (the faith of the slave owners), they found creative ways to fuse and conceal their beliefs within the Roman Catholic Church by choosing saints and associating them to the orishas of their original practices. Religious organizations were created called Cabildos, under secret leadership of the babalawo. A babalawo is a senior male priest whose patron was orunmilla, the oracle divinity of Yoruba, and who can perform Ifa, a divination ritual used to give guidance.

Beliefs
Olorun, or Olodunmare (meaning “owner of heaven”) is believed to be God, creator of the universe and of the lesser guardians, known as orishas. An orisha is a powerful, but mortal spiritual being or presence interpreted as a one of the manifestations of Olorun, or Olodumare (God). They are manifested in all of nature and life. Orishas must be worshiped and fed to continue. If they are taken care of, they will give help in life and let believers achieve their destiny ordained by Olorun. An evoked orisha can possess a priest, and send messages from the spiritual world through the priest. Each orisha has a corresponding principle, color, food, dance posture, saint, day of the week, and emblem. They also have their specific symbolism or responsibility such as disease, hunting, fertility, ext.

Here is a list of some of the common orishas:
-obatala
-orunmila (ifa, orula)
-elegua
-chango (shango)
-oshum (ochun, osun)
-oya (yansan)
-yemaya (olocum, ocute)
-babalu-aye
-ogun
-ochosi

There is no holy book used by practicer's of Santeria. All beliefs and rituals are passed on by word of mouth.

Influences of Catholicism
Some of the prayers used in Santiera rituals are of Catholic origin. Also, holy water is used in medicinal formulas. Most notably, all of the Orishas have corresponding Roman Catholic saints, although many argue that this is only because of the initial concealment of their faith to the slave owners.

Rituals
Rituals include dancing, drumming, speaking and eating. Altars are created for prayer and worship. Materials (instruments, potions, charms) for rituals are bought at stores called “botanicas.” Bembe is a ritual where a person is possessed by an evoked orisha, which causes that person to perform a dance and pass on messages from an orisha to the community members. Ancestors, called Ara Orun or Egun (people of heaven) are referred to for moral guidance. There are also divination practices that priest perform, such as ones that involve using a divided coconut, the fall of cowrie shells, or palm nuts.

Animal sacrifice is a major ritual of the Santeria religion. Animals are offered as food (they believe that the orishas will die without being fed and worshiped). It is likewise performed for birth, marriage, death, and healing. Animals are slaughtered, then cooked and eaten (except in death or healing, because the sickness is believed to be passed on to the dead animal). The sacrifice is considered a 'sharing' with the orisha, because the orisha consumes the blood, and the people consume the meat. The most common animal sacrificed is chickens, but pigeons, doves, ducks, guinea pigs, goats, sheep, and turtles are also sacrificed. It is considered constitutional for santeria worshipers to kill animals for ritual sacrifice.

Priesthood
Unlike the Roman Catholic Faith, Santerian priesthood involves both men and women. A man entering priesthood becomes a babalorisha, or babalocho (father in the spirit), and a women becomes an iyalorisha, or lyalocha (mother in the spirit). These words are Yoruban in nature. It is more common in Spanish terms to use santero or santera.

Priesthood is not a full time job. Usually there is another occupatino held by a priest. They also know traditional medicine, play a role in community health. One potion used for medicinal cures is Ewe. Priest are committed to serve a particular orisha, and have special powers because they have been 'entered' by that orisha. They are thought to have the ability to predict the future.

Sociocultural Significance
Ilès ~Ilès are houses of the Santeria community, owned by a senior santerian preist/preistess who acts as a godmother or godfather to an extended family. In an Ilès there may be a hierarchy based on levels of spiritual development. There an initiation for members of the community, often after by being called to do so by an orisha. Sometimes this happens after a life-threatening illness which is seen as an awakening of destiny.
The term Santeria~Santeria used to be a derogatory term used to describe the peasantry who acted pagan like worshiping the saints almost more than Jesus or God himself, but is now accepted and used even by those practicing the religion.
Animal Sacrific~There have been many conflicts concerning the Santeria ritual of animal sacrifice, resulting in many court cases including a Supreme Court Case. The right of the animal sacrifice has been acknowledged, for two main reasons: freedom of religion, and because the animals are eaten after the ritual.

History
During it's origins it was widely kept under secrecy by slaves who practiced the religion. In fact, it is still a very secretive religion that is not well heard of. It had been suppressed in Cuba since the communist revolution (1950's), particularly during the 1960's. During the 1960's many Cuban Americans and African Americans became interested in Santeria as a form of cultural resistance, seeking to honor their heritage in the front of American racism. However, oppression has now largely ended, and the popularity and practice of Santeria exploded in Cuba during the 1990's.

Currently, the religion is concentrated within:
-Cuba and other Caribbean islands
-The Hispanic population in Florida, Puerto Rico, New Jersy, New York City, and Los Angeles
-Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Mexico, and Venezuela
-France, and the Netherlands

Depending on the location, there are variations of the religion. For example, Mexican Santeria emphasizes the Roman Catholic roots, while Santeria emphasizes the African roots.

Stereotypes
Sometimes Santeria is confused with Vodou, or Voodoo, which is another religion involving sacrifice and possession that originated in Africa. Others speculate that it is a cult, and not a religion, while it is really a religion. There are no hexes or spells as others believe. In fact, the goal is a positive connection with orishas for messages or divination. There are no satanic rituals that include human sacrifices.

References
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/341073/african_religions_santeria.html?cat=34
http://dailybruin.ucla.edu/archives/id/1327/
http://dr1.com/forums/dominicans-abroad/38879-interesting-article-santeria.html
http://muse.jhu.edu/journals/african_studies_review/v048/48.2booker.html
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11756310
http://www.religioustolerance.org/santeri.htm
http://w3.iac.net/~moonweb/Santeria/TOC.html
http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/santeria/
http://www.santeriareligion101.com/
http://www.ashe.com.ve/
http://science.gcc.edu/reli/kemeny/new_page_2313.htm
http://www.wemba-music.org/orisha_faq.htm

Here is a video from a newscast in Grand Rapids:

Easy/Lucky/Free

2009-04-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

Did it all get real? I guess it's real enough. They've got refrigerators full of blood - another century spent pointing guns at anything that moves. Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot. My twitchin' muscles tease my flippant thoughts. I never really dreamed of heaven much until we put him in the ground, but it's all I'm doing now - listening for patterns in the sound of an endless static sea. Once the satellite's deceased, it blows like garbage through the streets of the night sky to infinity.

But don't you weep. (Don't you weep for them.) Don't you weep. (Don't you weep.) There is nothing as lucky... Honey, don't you weep. (Don't you weep for them.) Don't you weep. (Don't you weep.) There is nothing as lucky...as easy...or free.

Don't be a criminal in this police state. You'd better shop and eat and procreate. You've got vacation days then you might escape to a condo on the coast. I set my watch to the atomic clock. I hear the crowd count down till the bomb gets dropped. I always figured there would be time enough - I never let it get me down, but I can't help it now - looking for faces in the clouds. I've got some friends I barely see, but we're all planning to meet...we'll lay in bags as dead as leaves all together for eternity.

But don't you weep. (Don't you weep for us.) Don't you weep. (Don't you weep.) There is no one as lucky... Honey, don't you weep. (Don't you weep for us.) Don't you weep. (Don't you weep.) There is nothing as lucky...as easy...or free.

I like the music artist Conner Oberst because of his poetic lyrics. I admit, most of them are centered around concept of death, but still they are not all depressing. In fact, “Easy/Lucky/Free” isn't depressing to me at all. Oberst reminds be of Binx Bolling, whom I described earlier. I think he is also an existentialist, on the search for meaning in life.

I don't think Oberst was always this way, and by 'this way' I mean on a search for meaning. In these lyrics he tells us this as well as why he is now. There are so many distractions we have in life-rules to follow and material thing to attain, that we don't really think about it (the meaning of life), not until someone close to us dies (which is what happened to him). Society keeps us from depression this way, with all of these distractions (like shopping and eating and procreating), and by basically telling us how to live our lives. And when we do start thinking about life and death, we worry about how much time we have left to figure it all out. Then that's all we can think about: death and what, if anything, comes after.

He wants to accept that living life for it's own sake is reason enough, and death should not be feared—not at all. In fact, quite the opposite. “There is nothing as lucky...as easy...or free.” I think at least part of his reasoning for this stems from a lack of faith in the afterlife, which is hinted at in his lyrics. Death is just a part of life, something we have no control over..it's our fate.
There are also allusions to war in the lyrics of “Easy/Lucky/Free.” To me, these references appear to form a political statement about how lightly the matter of death is taken through war. It's doesn't ever “get real.” It is the epitome of how society can keep us from thinking sensitively about death, both our own death, and the deaths of those who's lives are senselessly taken away in war.

Here are some other lyrics written by Oberst that support my conclusions about his view on life and death and the afterlife.

From “I Believe in Symmetry”:
“the instinct of the blind insect
who never thinks not to except its fate, thats faith
there's happiness in death”

From “Hit the Switch”:
“but then night rolls around and it all starts making sensethere is no right way or wrong way, you just have to liveand so I do what I do, and at least I existwhat could mean more than this?what would mean more, mean more?”

From “Light Pollution”:
“there's no hell when you die so don't look so worried”

The Moviegoer

2009-04-28T19:56:00.000-07:00

Last school year, for an assignment in AP 12 English, each person had to select a book to read from a list and give a presentation on it (summary, characters, critics, analysis of theme, ext.) The book I choose was The Moviegoer, by Walker Percy. I don't have anything I wrote here to refer to, so I will just give you what I personally took from the novel.

The main character, Binx Bolling, is a moviegoer. He goes to the movies because they display exciting lives, but he is always leaves the theater disappointed, because the characters end up leading relatively normal lives. The average life is just so inauthentic, so cliché that Binx can't stand it. That's why he's on a search. He's on a search for something that makes his life worth it. He's looking and waiting for chance events of excitement to happen.

Then there's Kate, his distant cousin. She's kind of on the same level with him, in terms of how she views life at this point. Mostly dull, hollow, predicable. They end up get married, because they are a perfect match for one another (minus the relation, of course). Although she is like him in the way she views the world, she is not exactly like him. She deals with the same problem in a different way. Kate creates crises and extreme situations for the excitement, for the escape. So, they are alike and different at the same time.

By getting married, everything changes for both of them, for the better. Binx becomes more active, because he gets to give Kate direction and watch over her to make sure she is ok. She stays in control and loses her destructive practices with his guidance.

To me, the most intriguing aspect of the novel is the Existentialist influence, which was influenced onto Percy by philosopher Soren Kierkegaard. Existentialism deals with how humans deal with their existence. How they act, feel, and live in relation to their conception of meaning in life. Kierkegaard often wrote of faith and how it connects to our senses and perception. He concluded that we believe in something when we can confirm it's existence through our senses, but that doesn't mean something that we can't confirm doesn't exist. He also said that faith inevitably includes doubt, because we doubt our own ability to hold faith. Binx Bolling is a character in despair because of this conflict of the inability to conceptualize and understand life's intent. Some people think that his search is of a spiritual, religious nature. A search for faith in God. Either way, I think that the Existentialist theme applies to everyone, because it is human nature to question the purpose of our existence.

Diary of My Summer Internship

2009-04-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

6/8/08 Sun
I never knew there could be so many exiting, new things in such a short period of time. Today I woke up at 8am after a full night of sleep after the plane ride in. Dr. Dingming Kang picked me up from the airport, and I am lucky I have a cell phone to use here my aunts friend from the food co-op that buys tea here is letting me borrow because I had to call him since he wasn't there. Yesterday night I got in around 10pm local time. The smog was the first thing I noticed coming in. One the flight from Tokyo to Beijing I sat by a cute little girl named Wendy. She was Chinese-American and very entertaining. It seemed like a long bus ride back to to dorm, the city is so big it takes a long time to get from one place to another. He explained to me how it set up in rings. When we got to my dorm I met my roommate, who is from Indonesia. She speaks English pretty well and is majoring in International Policies. They have forgotten to give me towels so she let me borrow two very tiny ones to take my shower last night. The dorms are kind of dirty—the showers, bathroom, and washroom all smell funny. Everything here smells funny. Siska, my roommates name is Siska.

Dr. Dingming Kang came and got me at my dorm this morning. We went to breakfast, and I was given a meal card. Since I didn't know how to use chopsticks, I used a fork Dr. Kang had somehow obtained. We went back to the dorm, I grabbed my laptop and went to the lab. There I got an Internet connection! After being shown around the lab we went to lunch at a place known for it's duck. His wife and daughter met us there. I learned how to use chopsticks and she (his wife) was impressed by how quickly I picked it up! She also complimented my eyes. She can not speak any English. Their daughter can speak a little. She is a sophomore in high school. Today is the second day of exams students take to et into universities. The meal was enormous! It was also very different. I really like some of the appetizers. Also the duck, which is eaten a specific way. The food overall was delicious. Back at the lab, I followed a girl from Thailand. She could not speak English very well at all. Her project is creating a new rice variety resistant to salt. We took the dark green seedlings from the tissue culture and planted them in a soil like substance. Each student works on his/her own project. Although I don't remember her real name, her Chinese name is Mei, which I realized means “beautiful” in Chinese, from “MeiGua,” America, which means “beautiful country.” It is so incredibly different here. Now I know what it is like to be a minority and to be illiterate. When people stare or look at me funny, I don't know whether to smile or act normal.

6/9/08 Mon
Yesterday when I came back to the room after being at the lab, Siska had two friends in the room—a Japanese girl and her Korean boyfriend! They appeared subtly interested in me, looking but not asking many questions. Today I did not do much. At noon I registered with the embassy right here in the dorm building. Dr. Kang showed me another place to eat. I talked with Kendra, Daniel, and Anna on Skype! After that I went to the lab and met Professor Gu, another one of my supervisors. We listened to post graduate students geive their dissertations. That night Siska and I went to dinner last night at a place next to where I ate breakfast and I tried Chinese dumplings. I was still full last night from the large lunch so I didn't eat dinner. Tonight I say a huge bug in the washroom! Gross. Also today I met Amy (this is her English name she introduced herself with), another girl who works in the lab (shown below).

6/11/08 Wed
Yesterday I did what I have normally been doing thus far. I wait for Dr. Kang to come at noon and we go to the lab where I go on the computer. We go to lunch, come back and I go online again while he sleeps. Then I leave. How exciting.

Today was different. I went to lunch with Mei, then helped her in the lab taking seeds from arabidopsis plants. To do this you gently twist the leaves so the seeds fall onto a sheet of paper that is folded, then the seeds are sifted on to a paper folded the same way, so that the seeds will slide into a small tube.

Then we prepared the RNA tubes for sterelization (121 degrees, high pressure). Next I helped Crystele. She has only been here three months, but is a great teacher! She showed me the PCR machines and electrophlorises. I also learned how to use a pipette.

I left excited to get back because I was told we could go see a movie (Siska, her boyfriend, and I). Siska's boyfriend's name is Brian. He is American, and here sponsered by the Chinese government. He has been in China for over a year now. He speaks both Chinese and obviously English. We went to eat then watched Iron Man at the theatre. It was in English and had Chinese subtitles. Afterwards we got ice cream from the Minimart (a little shop right down the street from our dorm). It was a lot of fun!

6/14/08 Sat
On Thursday I visited Patrice and the CAU. She is another intern sponsored through the WFP. She has an apartment there but I have not seen it. We talked in their lab and I met her friends there—2 funny guys and a girl. Some people there have funny English names, like Quebert and Antennae! Dr. Kang and I biked there and back. He had a meeting to attend there.

On Friday we went to the center where Sarah (the third intern) is staying, a center of genetic research, because Dr. Kang had another meeting. It was on on a new plan for making project proposals that would be funded by the British government. The speaker was British so I could understand it all, and there was a translator for everyone else. It was boring but afterwards I got to see Sarah. We hung out and went to order dinner on our own at a small eatery near where she was staying. I met Danmei, her roommate, but she left for class. The bike ride there was crazy, but going back was even more of a mess! It started raining and the drains were plugged because of all of the garbage, so it bike lanes became flooded. So many people ride bikes or walk here—and they sometimes go in the middle of the street even though the light is red!

Today I had to go to the last meeting in the lab at 10am. There were two presentations and afterwards lunch. Watermelon is a typical dessert here. I am supposed to hang out with Siska later today.

6/18/08 Wed
I haven't written in this for a while. I keep forgetting. Not much has happened. On Sunday I went to see the Olympic buildings with Dr. Kang, then to the Ikea store with his family. There I ate Sweedish meatballs and mashed potatoes with gravy! That was the first time I've had potatoes since I've been here. I finally had a real dessert too. Oh, and on the bus ride there, I was very dehydrated so I blacked out and almost fainted. It has been very hot here in the city, and it is so crowded with all the people everywhere. After Ikea, we went to Tienanmen Square and walked around. It was OK—not overtly exciting. We took the subway and it was difficult to keep my ticket for a souvenir since you have to put it through the machine at the end in order to get through the gate. It came at the expense of another, but we managed. That night Siska was gone out for a friend's birthday dinner party. So I went to the Minimart and bought myself some food. Total my dinner was a cost of only 9 Yuan! There are about 6 or 7 yuan in one dollar. So it only cost about $1.50. Left overs were eaten for dinner Monday night. Also on Monday night I got homesick for the first time. I wrote Dana, my sister, a message. Part of my homesick stemmed from the e-mails I received from my family who is is upper Michigan right now visiting my grandparents. The other cause of my homesickness was simple messages from friends—Kendra wanting to play tennis, Joe asking about his party....I am missing so many graduation parties! Being here is a little stressful because I know what I am missing at home. Here I don't always know how I will order dinner, or even where I will go for dinner, or what to do in my free time. Usually I just surf the net or read. I cannot watch anything from Netflix because it doesn't work in China, and also I cannot listen to Pandora.

Tuesday I worked in the lab, as I did Monday and a little today. Last night, Thursday, I discovered that Sisks is bisexual through her facebook “interested in.” I am not all that surprised. It is a little different knowing that, because it is hard to take everything the same way. I still think she is a great friend, it doesn't change my opinion about her at all.

I am in the lab now, and I am supposed to have a meeting with Dr. Kang today about my research project so that I can write an abstract due July 7th to Lisa back at the World Food Prize. However, he was sleeping when I got back from lunch with Mei and after he woke, ran off somewhere. He is very unpredictable and it makes things difficult for me. For example, Sunday I had planned on going shopping with Crystele and Amy but he showed up at my door unexpectedly with plans to go to the Olympic buildings. They went without me of course. I guess he tried to tell me Saturday evening but I was not there because I was out with Siska to her friend Seiolla's Brazilian boyfriend Tiego's house. I met most of his family, which was not only from Brazil but some were from California. Most all of them could speak English, as could Tiego. Sieolla doesn't really know English though. We ate dinner there, and they had cheese!!! Cheese seems to be nonexistent in China. It is not a part of the typical Chinese diet at all. They also had some Brazilian dishes, a Brazilian juice and some Brazilian nuts. Below: Siska and I at the party.
6/19/08 Thurs
Yesterday I had a meeting with Kang about my project. I will be working with Mei, as I mostly have been, on confirming a specific genes role in salt tolerance. Last night Kang and I went to a party for the graduates at the CAU (Chinese Agricultural University). I had to wait two hours for him after lunch for the meeting, then another hour at the CAU before pictures and the meal. I don't appreciate waiting all of the time—it is very boring! The party was a lot of fun though. I really liked some of the dishes—especially an eggplant/nutmeg dish. The guys at the party drank a lot of beer because it is so cheap. 2 Yuan for a large bottle, like the size of a small wine bottle. There were also a lot of toasts and cheers—including one for me in ___and one for me being beautiful. Two of the guys had crushes on me I think. It was kind of embarrassing but flattering. Afterwards we went to KTV-Kareoke. It was very ritzy, with the girls that worked there dressed very sluttish like and wearing a lot of make up. There are private rooms and a lot of smoke. It was fun to watch but we only stayed a short while. I didn't sing.

Today, Wednesday, Mei wasn't in the lab so I was told I could go back to my dorm to write my abstract. I talked to Mytheli on Skype and it seems we should switch places. She is is Mexico working on a project dealing with the analysis of a program for farmers. I would prefer doing a social science project and speaking Spanish. She would prefer working in a lab. Oh well. Siska helped me order breakfast today.
I learned some new vocabulary:
zi mi zhou (ze-me-joe)=black rice porridge (add sugar!)
xiao long bao (she-ow-long-baow)=dumpling type food with meat
dou-jiong (doe-geong)=soymilk
yi wan mi fan=a bowl of rice
ke kou kele=Coca cola

6/25/08 Wed
It has been a week since I last wrote in this!! That's terrible. On Weekdays I have been working in the lab from 9-3/4pm with a lunch break I spend with lab friends. For dinner either go with someone or go to the store and pick up some food. Last weekend-Saturday I went shopping on the commerical area of being with Dr. Kang (I know fun right?) but I didn't buy anything. Then we went to a museum, the Capital Museum. It was a lot of walking that day. Sunday I wen to tlunch with Kang and his colleague whose daughter is planning on going to college in the US. I did not like the meal very much, it was what they call Hot Pot, where you get a broth and add in meat and vegetables of your choice, and there is a dip that goes with it. Sunday night I went to Lush with Brian and Siska. It is a somewhat hidden, old bar/hangout above a library in Ou Dao Ko. They had American food. It was nice to have fries and a burger and a fruit salad! They also had some drinks there I tried. They had an open mike and some people sang. It was quite fun. There were other foreigners there as well.

I forgot to mention that last Thursday, Siska, Patrice and I wen to a club called Propaganda and Sieolla met us there. It was fun after I got into the atmosphere. Siska is a hip-hop dancer so she was having a blast. It was ladies night so we got in free, and also two free drink slips. I regret bringing Patrice, although she kind of invited herself when we talked earlier that day. She was very out of place, in the way she dressed and acted. I might go again with Siska sometime. I am afraid she leaves July 1st maybe or sometime in mid July. :( Monday night I watched a movie in my dorm on my computer...Siska owns a few movies she said I could watch. It was especially good since I discovered they had oreos at the Minimart and got some of those. Tuesday I think the dish I ordered had rabbit in it, but I wasn't sure. I couldn't eat it even though it didn't taste terribly bad. Siska was at Brian's and was expecting to stay the night but she came home around one this morning. Today I helped out in the lab and just got back from picking up some stuff form the store, like detergent and a nice water bottle. Also we need to provide our own toilet paper here-they don't have any in the bathrooms in most public places or our dorm. I am washing clothes today for only the second time since I've been here!

Oh, also Professor Chu, whom one might consider good looking (at least according to Amy!), wants to take the four foreigners in the lab (me, Crystele, Mei, and Lei Ma) out to dinner for fish at a famous restaurant that serves food from Sichuan Province. Supposedly it is spicy food. I don't like fish or very spicy food (some spice is okay) so I'm not sure how well this is going to go.
Lei Ma is another intern who arrived. She is American-Chinese. Her family lives in China but she goes to an all girls school somewhere on the East Coast. She does a lot of internships, every summer when she comes to China. I don't think she has a lot of friends in China, but I like her.

6/27/08
So yesterday I came to the lab a little late—around 10am, because Mei was not coming at all. Instead of following her I followed a girl whose name I cannot remember, doing the same things I have done before, extracting plasma. It was boring and hard to understand her because she lacks vocabulary necessary to explain things. I was planning on leaving at lunch time. However, Dr. Kang informed me that I was to go to lunch with him. I then discovered it was his daughter's 16th birthday. We went to Ike again with her where we met up with her mom. We ate there and went shopping. I didn't buy anything at Ikea (most things are too big for me to bring back), but I did buy a blue dress at another store. Dr. Kang's daughter got the same one in white! I decided I will wear it to the party tomorrow at the CAU Dr. Kang told me about. Hopefully if his daughter goes she will not wear hers. It maybe be a surprise party for her but I'm not sure. After shopping we went to their house. It was nice for a Chinese apartment, they had a lot of nice expensive looking things, but it wasn't very homey. She, Dr. Kang's daughter (I do not know her name, and I feel bad about it), showed me her room. She likes some famous stars and writers she kept showing me, but I didn't recognize any of them except Harry Potter. Then we had dinner, as it was already 7:30-8pm. A home cooked meal finally! They had a noodle soup, tofu, green beans, and a red vegetable I did not (Above: Dr. Kang's wife and daughter) recognize that they did not know the English name for. As we were finished, Dr. Kang arrived with the same girl I followed earlier at the lab. He had left when we were at Ikea. She took me back to my dorm, and I got to know her a little better on the way. Her family lives 20hrs away, in Southern China. She travels by train to see them, which she only does once a year. In high school she had to stay in a dorm, which I guess is not that uncommon here. Anyway, she also told me that there was a party in the lab for all of the June birthdays. Lei ma, a professor, and a student would be the three June birthdays. There was a cake and bananas and watermelon! I wish I could have went, I haven't been to a lab celebration yet. I think there have been more than once since I've been here. The signs to let people know are in Chinese, though, so that kind of skips my attention. There is one tomorrow but I already have one to go to. Oh well, no use dwelling on it. I already think to much about what I am missing back home, I don't need to to worry about missing stuff here too! I am in the lab right now, and I cannot find anyone I normally associate with. Mei, Dr. Kang, Crystele, Lei Ma...

6/30/08
This weekend I didn't go sightseeing like usual, but instead I attended social events. Saturday mrongin I got to talk to Kendra on Skype! Then around 2:30-3 Dr. Kang came to my dorm (with no forewarning). The day before he said he would come to get me at 4 or 5. Anyway, so we walked to the store to buy drinks for the evening, and then walked all the way back. It was quite a long walk but I don't mind. Then we walked to a hospital. There I met some people. One lady (I believe she was a colleague of Kang) knew how to speak English and said she has a daughter who just finished her placement exams and could show me around, go shopping or something. There was a man and another women with her, and perhaps someone's mother that was on the hospital bed. The woman who could speak English left with us and drove us to the party location. It was kind of far out in the country, at someone's home. There we got everything ready (tables, chairs, ext.) until people came. There were some people in the kitchen preparing food but I didn't see them much. While I waited I sipped on a coke. Turns out it was a CAU staff party. Basically, a bunch of male professors with PhDs in their fields of agriculture, nutrition, genetics, ext. They were nice and the food was good. Once again there was a lot of drinking. It was a surprise to me to see Patrice there as well. It was a good thing she came, so I had someone to talk to normally, without all of the proper questions and such. Plus, I can speak at normal speed without getting funny looks. Also it was good to have her since were nearly the only girls there, except for the lady who drove and probably some women in the kitchen who never really came out. I noticed that the women who drove did not drink, so I wasn't worried when she drove us back. I have decided that the Chinese have two favorite activities to do at parties (besides drinking and eating!), which would be karaoke and table tennis. I played some table tennis, and didn't sing but Patrice did! It is surprising how many American songs are available on the karaokes here. I have also noticed that the Chinese love to give toasts. Patrice and I also played a board game with stones that is called something that means 5 in a row, or at least has 5 in it's title somewhere. Basically you take turns placing your color of stone (black or white) on a square of your choice, and you want to get 5 in a row. A massive tick tac toe game.

On Sunday, yesterday, I went to lunch with Siska and Brian at a place called “West Gate Chicken Wings” just outside the West Gate of campus (the campus is entirely blocked in with a brick wall, and there are four gates). It was fun, but the restaurant, like a lot of places here, is not very clean and well kept. Later I planned on attending Patrice's cooking party she invited me to at her apartment which started at three. I did not get there until four though because I encountered some difficulties getting there. First, I could not find the bus station Siska had pointed to on the map I had. It a little outside of the campus, but the complete opposite end I have never really explored. It is a big campus, because it is a very big school. I practically got lost, not recognizing anything around me. So I retraced my steps and tried again using a different path there. Before I got lost this time I asked to make sure I was going the right way. Where I thought I was was not the same as where I was, but near it at least. Two girls pointed me in a direction, but it didn't lead me to the correct bus stop I was looking for. I know this because Siska said we had been there once before one night, and also the bus number I was looking for didn't come to this stop!

So, teary eyed I asked for help—after a few times someone finally spoke back that knew English, and this nice girl told me which bus I could take to get to the location I needed to be, the west gate of the CAU, which Siska wrote in Chinese on a sheet of paper. I also knew how to say it in Chinese. So now I am on a bus that will eventually lead me to where I need to be, but I do not know how many stops it will be. When I asked the ticket lady as I paid her my 1 yuan for the ride for confirmation that the bus led to the CAU, she said no! At that point I became terrified! Luckily a lady overheard me and told me and repeated where I wanted to go and told me “we are together!” I was so relieved. I arrived around 4, after leaving at 2:30 initially. Yet, I am still glad I went. When I got to Patrice's extremely small apartment and even smaller kitchen, people were already there starting to make food. There were some Chinese people making a few Chinese dishes. Sarah, Patrice, and I were to make some American food. This was a challenge as well, as a lot of ingredients were not in the market they said so we had to substitute things. The oven wasn't working well at all which we needed in order to bake the chocolate chip cookies for dessert. They don't really use ovens very much in China I don't think. (The picture to the above right is Patrice and I cooking in her small kitchen). I met some really fun people there last night! This includes Cecilia, Anna, and a few other girls I can't remember the names of. Dan Mei was there and a couple of guys as well. All of these people were lab friends of Patrice and Sarah brought one friend. We played probably 7 rounds of Mafia after dinner (where of course everyone made a toast). It was really a lot of fun! The last round I was the mafia and I won!

7/1/08 Tues
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANA!!
Last night, after extracting RNA in the lab, I wrote some e-mails (I have to send Lisa a weekly update by e-mail) then watched Silence of the Lambs. It is a pretty good psychological thriller I think.

Today I am following Jane, since Mei is extracting RNA all this week. I enjoy talking to Jane. She is very quiet, but very sweet. She is great at explaining things, too. Tonight I am not sure what I will do or if I will go go to dinner alone. Maybe I will play some card games on the computer, read, or watch a movie...but I have finished my second book I brought. I may have another. It is lightly raining today. It rains almost every day here! They say it is unusal weather—it should be hot and dry.

On the 4th of July (this Friday) Dr. Kang will take me out of town for a night. Patrice is coming too. I don't know where we are going or why...
I cannot believe believe it is already July!! I am about half way through my stay here already.

Things I want to do before I leave China:
Walk the Great Wall
Get a massage
Go to the zoo, see pandas
Go to The Summer Palace
Shop in the markets/haggle
Finish my report

7/3/08 Thurs
I followed Jane yesterday and it was exciting. We collected leaves from her plants then split them open under a microscope. It was cool, the embryos were so small and cute. We had to count how many normal ones there were, and record the stage, then count the number of mutant or aborted seeds. If there are no or few mutants it is a wild type plant. Las evening I watched the movie License to Wed, even though I have seen it already. I am running out of movies to watch. Later I got to talk to Jon for a little while. It is only a six hour difference between us because he is in Belgium, unlike the 13 hours between here and the US!

Today I plan on helping Jane again when she gets here. We are to plant seedlings today. I am looking forward to it, this is one of my favorite things to do in the lab. I am also looking forward to going out of town tomorrow and staying at a Chinese hotel. We will get to see farm life and an acrobatics show!

I went to lunch with Mei and actually really enjoyed it. Also, she wants to take me to a place to eat that she likes this weekend. I told her Saturday night and also she might come to the zoo this Sunday with us.

Today I am having fun in the lab. I helped Mei with her spectrophotometer work which wasn't all that exciting but it allowed for good conversation, like a lot of the jobs in the lab. Then I helped Jane plant. Since I like this so much, I am staying longer to help her plant more. She works so much!!! Last night she stayed until 1am. This is crazy, I think. I like being able to help her so that her work goes faster and she can leave earlier.

Sometimes I feel like Mei gets frustrated with me because she is a perfectionist and really wants to do a good job, but I am only learning. I can't always grind the leaves small enough in the nitrogen fast enough. And I am not to talk while doing RNA experiments because it could affect the RNA. Asking questions, then, is out of the question. Some of it is my own attitude too, because I have been feeling very tired lately and i'm not sure why. I believe I am getting about 8 hours of sleep—7 maybe. Also I recently caught a cold. So I'm not always in the best mood, and when it is a boring experiment and so hot, it makes me want to leave. When I talk to Mei though, she never seems upset with my attitude even when I think it is bad (only sometimes). It is fun talking to her and Jane. I feel like we are always teaching one another. Mei asked me a bunch of questions about pronunciation, like the difference between sh and ch, and something about rice and right. Other things too—we are constantly learning from one another. Jane tells me a lot about China and scientific processes. I think she would make a great teacher and she loves history. She doesn't like working in the lab. I am excited for this whole weekend, I know I already said that! Friday-trip out of town, Sat-dinner with Mei, Sun-zoo with Sarah and Selina

7/4/08
It's July 4th! Back at home there is a party at Chiyos cabin. Today we traveled to WuQiao, a town four hours (South?) from Beijing. It is a small, rural town known for it's acrobatics. We took a bus, and it was full of people from the CAU. Patrice came as well since this is where she is working at. We arrived in town about 1pm and ate lunch at the hotel. Patrice, Dr. Kang, Dr. Li, two older ladies and I are the only ones staying at this hotel though. I am not sure where everyone else is staying.

After lunch, we went to an experimental building—a branch off of the CAU. Here they do large experiments with controls and such for crops. We also got to visit the fields with which this branch collaborates. Fields of cotton mainly, and right outside of the center they grew corn. Nearby were soybean fields. Some of the workers were in the field, and lady had a cart with a donkey. My camera battery died here though, and it got stuck in the camera so I don't have any pictures from the trip after that happened. Someone I met, Angel, said she would send me some pictures of the acrobatics at dinner.

Dr. Li is an expert on controls, especially for cotton. He is Patrice's supervisor, although unlike my supervisor whom I see all the time, she never seems him. He seems very intelligent and makes a very professional first impression, yet also he has a sense of humor. Overall today was a great day. The meals were delicious. We had watermelon four times today—during lunch, at a break in the meeting at the center, at dinner, and it was provided in our room when we got back from a walk later. The few of us staying at the hotel, minus Dr. Li, took a walk around town. The town, by the way, has festive activities almost every night I am told. Rices, dancing, drums, treats, roller blading. It neat but people stared at Patrice and I very much. A lot worse than how people stare in Beijing.

Tomorrow we will watch an even bigger acrobatics show before we leave.

Under IMPORTANT NOTES on our hotel card slip:
For security reasons, visitors are repused to leave guest room by 11:00pm.
Our Duty Manager in the main lobby will assist you with any specialrequirements to add to comfort.
Check out time is 12:00 noom. For extend stay please arrange with our Duty Manager.
For furthet details of guest services provided by the our HOTEL please refer to the Service Directory in your room.
Our hotel is not liable for any loss or damage please contactreception (EXT8888)for safe deposit services.

7/5/08 Sat
We are now on our way back from He Bei Province. This morning we got up at 6:30 and Dr. Kang came to get us at 7:20 fro breakfast. It was the first breakfast I have eaten outside the dining center on campus. There was new breakfast foods I have not seen. I liked them, their breads and sweet dishes are different but good. Not as overwhelmingly sweet like our sweets. Then there was a meeting but we sat upstairs again in the conference room so we didn't have stay in the meeting where we wouldn't understand anything anyway. The meeting was an hour long! Patrice and I played some games with a pen I had in my purse, and cups from the water dispenser which we tore to use as paper. After the meeting we went to the circus place again where we say many shows. First a very impressive acrobatics show, then a magic show, a performance with animals, and a different magician. He was very, very good. He picked on Patrice and I because we were American—making us sit in front, and he called me up to sit in his chair and hold on to the foam ball while he made it into my hand without me even feeling it at all! I made him do it again, but I still couldn't feel or see anything. He then shook my hand and gave me a hug. He told us (a small crowd this time unlike the large magician show,) that people have taped him to see his movements, but they could not even detect it then. He has the “quickest hand” as he says. Then we went to see a final performance of men who did strange things with their bodies.

7/6/08 Sun
Today I went to the Beijing Zoo with Sarah and Selina. Sarah, Selina and I really enjoyed playing on the elephant statues. It was a blast! I got to see pandas and elephants and giraffes and a ton of cool animals. We then went for a little lunch at a kind of expensive (for China anyway) restaurant. We shopped for a while in the markets, where we could get things very cheap unlike the malls which are pricey and much less crowded. Here you had to barter for prices of things. Shops were very small, about 1 room each just full of items, and there was one after another. There were several floors to this market. Selina bartered for me a purse which I got for 65 yuan—about $10. In American it would be at least $30. Afterwards, we went back to the CAAS (where Sarah is staying) where we played card games with Dan Mei. I learned two new card games.

The first game
In this game, one does not want to get stuck with the ace of spades. If everyone knows you have it, they will try not to let you win. Basically, the entire deck is dealt out. Then, you go in a circle taking turns playing out either runs of three or more. It doesn't have to be the same suit, but it is more valuable if it is. Cards with the same number are also more valuable. You have to play higher than the person before you, and if you can't then you simply pass. The point is to get rid of all of your cards. An ace is higher than a king, and a two is higher than an ace. The higher the run or if it is all the same suit, the more it is work. The person who wins the round gets to start again. Once you run out of runs or doubles, you can play single cards. If the person with the ace of spades wins, everyone else loses and gives the winner their highest card at the beginning of the next round. If the person with the ace of spades loses to someone, they are given any unwanted card from those that beat them. It is played out even after someone is wins the game, to see where others place.

The second game
This one I like better than the first game. The dealer sets out six cards in front of each person—3 face down, and 3 face up on top of the 3 faced down. 3 cards are then given as hand held cards as well. The rest of the cards are faced down in a deck in the center. The first player starts by playing a card, and the person to the right must play a equal or higher card unless it is a 7, in which case they must play lower. You can play more than one of the same card. Playing a 10 will clear the deck. After each turn you draw a card from the deck until it's gone. If you cannot play, you have to pick up the whole discard pile. Once you use up all of the cards in you hand, you can play the 3 face up cards in any order. After those, you must play the face down cards unknowingly. Once again, the game continues even after one player goes out of cards.

7/7/08 Mon
Today I found out that on Saturday the lunch for foreigners took place, and they switched the restaurant because he found out I didn't like fish! Yet, I couldn't even make it! I feel terrible about it.

My battery is still stuck in my camera (“so stupid!” as Kang always says). I will have to go to get it fixed and probably buy a new battery. Kao tai from the lab, nicknamed Google because he seems to know the answer to everything) tried to help me get it out and suggested going to the electronics commercial area of Beijing to get it fixed. Another gentlemen found a place specifically that will be able to help me. Perhaps Siska will take me.

Kao tai is also looking for a place for Crystele and I to go to get massages! We will go this week sometime. She leaves next Friday back to France so before then for sure, obviously. That's all for now...today I am just working in the lab. I am getting worried though because I feel that I do not understand everything so clearly as necessary for me to write my report...

7/8/08 Tues
Mei will be working with RNA probably for the rest of my time here. I am a little concerned about this. Also she will not let me write any of the data we have collected because it is very confidential to her, she expects it would reveal some information about her work prematurely where someone else might take advantage of this data.

Dr. Kang said there will probably be a party for the July birthdays on Friday the 18th. I told him there are many people I wanted to invite, since my birthday is in July (on the 20th), and he said that's okay. I hope it is fun though, and worth their trip here.

7/9/08 Wed
This morning as I was getting ready to head to breakfast and then over to the lab, Dr. Kang came knocking on my door ready to go to the Forbidden City! So there we went. Exploring the Forbidden City took all morning, and involved a lot of walking. I went with his daughter and she shared with me some treats she brought for a snack. This was good since I didn't eat anything earlier. I like the city, it was cool but got a little monotonous after a while.
Afterwards we went to McDonald's for lunch. It was somewhat different form the McDonald's in the US. For example, the workers shirts looked different than any that I have seen. Also, people leave their trays at the table and a worker will pick it up and throw away their trash!! Once we returned to campus, I went to the lab where I worked all afternoon.
*The July birthday's celebration is confirmed for Friday, the 18th at 4pm in the meeting room of the laboratory.

7/11/08 Fri
Yesterday was the opening ceremony of a 4 or 5 day summer course. I attended the morning session with some students from the lab, but not the afternoon session because nothing would be in English. We then went for lunch, and after that I followed Amy and helped her with her resin samples. That did not take long, however, and I left early back to my dorm. I only stayed there a few hours, because I had nothing to do really. So I went back to the lab and waited for everyone to come back from the afternoon session. Jane told me we were to plant seeds, but when she got there she said “tomorrow!” and told me to go to dinner. So I left and went to dinner with Siska. She took me to KFC. There are a lot of KFC's in China.

This morning Dr. Kang and I rode our bikes to the CAU campus to prepare some corn for sale. We did this outside with the lady from the hospital that drove us to the staff party, and a few other women whom I had never seen before. My job was to put 12ears which they deemed acceptable in each box and close the box. They also showed me how to tell if an ear of corn will be good. Afterwards we rode our bikes to Dr. Kang's apartment were we cooked some of the corn and had a small lunch. Then we rode all the way back to Peking. A lot of bike riding, but I never really get tired from it. We got back around 1:30-2, and now I have nothing to do here at the lab. I am helping Mei a little with her RNA work.

7/14/08 Mon
Friday night I stayed late at the lab, and on Saturday I did not have any plans so I went to the lab again where I worked on a project Amy had prepared for me. I cut resin containing mutant and wild type flowers, because I liked cutting the resin out of the tubes. It took me about 4 hours to finish. Everyone, or most people, were at the summer course they were required to attend. Saturday evening Dr. Kang invited me to a dinner at a nice restaurant where I met two more professors from the CAU and their families. We biked there and got back late.

Sunday (yesterday) I spent the day with Sarah, Patrice, and Alex. First Sarah, Patrice and I went to lunch at Patrice's cafeteria. I took a taxi there this time, even though it is so much more expensive. Then we went shopping and and I got Chinese chess and that other 5 in a row game we played that one night. Afterwards we went to a small, adorable little tea shop where we waited for Alex. Patrice new one of the girls there. We had the most delicious bubble tea ever, and also a Chinese sweet dessert with ice and red beans. Our plan once Alex got there was to go hiking on a mountain somewhere near. However, Sarah got some sort of acid on her hand that she mistook for soap in the bathroom. She was in pain, and taking her to the hospital became a challenge. We ended up at Peking's health center, because the other was too full I guess. Turns out it she was going to be fine, and there was nothing she could do except run cold water over it. Should feel better after 6 hrs, and the pain will be gone after 24hrs. After that ordeal we went to a beautiful park nearby. There aren't many parks in Beijing, the the ones they have are done well, as there isn't much green space in general. We rented a paddle boat and I was the only one who had ever steered a paddle boat before, so I drove. You simple have to go slow and turn the opposite direction you want to go.. They called me “master sailor.” Minus Sarah burning her hand, it was a fun night. We went to have a late dinner afterwards. Sarah got a taxi home but I had to go back with Patrice and Alex to the CAU in order to get my things. Then Alex helped me to find a taxi home.

Today the summer course was still going on and there was nothing to do at the lab so Crystele, Ma Lei and I went to get our massages. I also got my camera fixed! Later I hung out with Siska.

7/19/08 Sat
Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday I don't recall doing anything too exciting. Tuesday I discussed with Dr. Kang my project, and the other two days began preparing my report by talking to Crystele, Amy, Mei...I will continue working on my report more for the rest of my time here I think. On Thursday we did have a lab party for the July birthdays with cake and fruit! It was simple and short, but appreciated. They sang happy birthday and we each got to cut a slice of the huge cake. I did not have anyone come really but Patrice decided to come and she came with one of the guys from her lab.

Friday I went to the Summer Palace with Dr. Kang's family. We were there from about 10am-5pm!It tired me out, but it was fun. There were some school children who were volunteers for the Olympics and they gave me a whole spiel in English—just for me! Then I talked to them for a little while and got to write some advice in their book. Later Friday night, after having delicious dumplings with the Kangs, I went out with Siska, Brian, and Siska's friend called “Gorilla.” We went to a Hot Pot restaurant, where they ate dinner and I just sat and talked with them since I already ate (plus I don't like Hot Pot very much anyway.) There was a really nice atmosphere to this restaurant. Gorilla doesn't know any English. We then met up with Brians's friend Cesar at KTV. Afterwards we were going to to go Propaganda, that club, but it was closed now because of the Olympics. All of the clubs were closed. After standing around talking for a little while with another friend who came we went to McDonald's because it was open. There were a surprisingly large number of people there. We stayed until 3:30. Cesar is Peruvian-American. He goes to school in the states. Since his parents live in Peru, he knows Spanish fluently. So we spoke Spanish to each other a lot throughout the night. It was fun to be able to have the tables turned and other people not understanding a conversation for once! He would translate the Chinese conversation into Spanish for me.

Today I went with Siska to get a cake for my birthday. Then Sarah and Lei Ma came over and we went out for lunch to a place nearby, within walking distance. Siska was busy so she couldn't come. We tried to get a hold of Patrice...(pen died here and I just quit).

7/22/08 Tues
First I'll finish where I left off since my pen died. After lunch Saturday we went to the movie Hancock and Lei got her hair cut at the mall (the theater was in the mall.) Patrice called, and her and the guy she was with the last time met up with us at Peking, where we got Baozi for dinner and then played cards in my dorm and walked around campus. Peking is such a beautiful campus!

Sunday I went to Happy Valley Amusement Park with Sarah, Chuck, and Dan Mei. It costs 160 kwai. Kwai is like the nickname for yuan. Chuck is someone from Sarah's lab who is from Chicago. He really has a sense of humor and likes to joke around. He is probably about 28, but doesn't really know what he wants to do with his life. All of the rides had really long lines, but we went on a few coasters and such. Afterwards Chuck treated us to dinner and said he would take Sarah and I us out on the town some night soon.

Yesterday I worked in the lab a little, but mostly just was writing my report on my laptop which I now keep at the lab instead of my dorm. Students stay here all night, and I don't leave until really late now sometimes and I feel a little more like a part of the group, if you know what I mean. I am doing the same thing today.

Siska left. I have some problems with this:
-no more water
-no more washing machine
-no more Internet access in my room
-the fan quit working
-she left a bunch of crap
-I will miss her company

7/30/08 Wed
I haven't written in here in a while but a lot has happened. Last Wednesday and Thursday I worked on my report in the lab mostly.

On Friday I went to the Llama Temple and the Temple of Heaven, then shopping in the markets where I purchased a lot of small gifts.

Saturday morning I left for Beidaihe with Sarah, Xiaobo, Xiaobo's boyfriend, and two other guys. Xiaobo had brought a small little dog just 2 weeks old with. We stayed in Beidaihe until Monday. It is a city on the coast, with a lot of seafood. We drove there and it took a couple of hours. I got to swim in the ocean and see part of the great wall, the Dragon Head, which led right into the ocean. The city is very touristy and there were a lot of bright colorful lights and signs and shops near the water and many people had their suits on. The beach was packed. Oddly, there were a lot of Russians there. The shop owners would speak to me in Russian because they thought I was Russian, and one lady when we were swimming said something to me in Russian but then realized I didn't understand when I just looked at her and didn't say anything back. Besides swimming we walked around the city at night near the beach and in the morning went to catch crabs at a different beach area. No one was very successful, but we went over and talked to some fishermen who were catching shrimp and crab. We bought some fresh from them. The area was kind of dumpy, like many areas of China. One of the fishermen brought us to his house just walking distance away where we could cook them. His house was very small, and wife and kids were there. There was also a dog who had a bandaged stomach. I forgot what had happened to him but it looked awfully terrible!!

It was really hard to find a hotel that would accept Americans. Most were not allowed to let Americans stay, and if we could, it cost much more than it should have—about 500 kwai! Although we found one that we talked into letting us stay for 250 kwai. If Sarah and I were not with them, they probably could have stayed at a different hotel. The whole trip total a cost of 400 kwai for me, because we helped pay for gas and food also.

Later Monday after we got back, I went to “West Gate Chicken Wings,” (not the same place as I went with Siska and Brian though) with a bunch of students from the lab plus Prof. Chu. It was really such a blast!! The food was delicious and everyone drank a lot and relaxed finally! I have never been able to have a lot of fun with my lab friends because they are always so focused on their research. Harry really likes me I think—but he is 26! He has gone through a lot of stuff and it has given him many problems. His girlfriend broke up with him and a Koren guy published a paper on his research so he had to quit. I think there is more.

Tuesday, yesterday, I just went to the laboratory. Same with today, except also today I played tennis with four guys from the lab that I normally don't get to talk to much. They said I played very well but I definitely could have played better...I didn't really play that well they were just saying that. They are just beginners yet, not that I have played much, but more than them. I wish I would have known earlier they liked to go and play.

I feel as though I am really beginning to have a life here, after about two months, but I have to leave soon.

4/2/08 Sat
The past few days have taken a lot of energy out of me, mentally and physically. Thursday was a normal day except that Lei and I went to Kro's Nest for pizza for dinner. It is a pub type restaurant that has American pizza. I believe it was opened by an American. Friday (4/1) I climbed the Great Wall with Dr. Kang. It was a perfect day for it in terms of weather. Also, it wasn't a very busy day. It took all morning. I watched a romantic Chinese movie with Jane in the lab when I got back from the Great Wall, sometime late morning/early afternoon. She put English subtitles for me of course. Also, they set up the table tennis table in the lobby part of the lab! I love table tennis. The students here are really good and they pose a challenge. I learned how to hold the paddle differently which I am going to continue using. Also on Friday there was a solar eclipse around 6:30-7pm.

Later on Friday night five of us from the lab left for a night out on the street in Beijing with many bars. It was incredible! Walking down the street, there are workers at the bars trying to convince you to come to their bar. We settled on a random one since no one really cared where we went. We all had a lot of fun asking each other questions that I haven't really talked about with anyone here. Stuff about relationships and dating. I learned a lot about everyone, especially Harry. I didn't realize how good of friends him and Rainbowfish were. I think part of their connection is because they both spent internships at research labs in England. Harry opened up to me a lot, telling me many things one would tell someone you don't know very long. He also got very very drunk, and passed out leaning on me and then threw up (not on me) in the taxi on the way back to Peking. The guards at the gate had to help Rainbowfish and I help him when we got there, but that was where I was supposed to leave so I'm not sure how they got him back safely.

Today, Saturday, I went to the markets with Mei and her professor from Thailand who has come to visit. I got the last of my gifts. We got back around 5:30. Mei then let me do my laundry at her dorm, which is much much nicer than mine and it has laundry machines in it. I hung out with her in her room while we waited. After that we went out to dinner with her professor. Then I went back to my dorm to do some packing, and then to the lab, since everyone is usually there are the same people who are there late (not Mei). the table tennis table was still set up. There was one guy (whom I never really met before) who is basically the king of table tennis in the lab...he is better than me, but still played with me for a while. It was really fun! I stayed there for a while since I am leaving on the 4th.

4/3/08 Sun
Today we followed the plans Dr. Kang had made. I was a little upset when I found out he had planned my last day here, because I wanted to spend it with the friends I had made during my time here...not spend it making new ones. Anyway, he had planned that I meet up with his wife and daughter as well as the family of the lady I had met previously when we had prepared the corn at the CAU. After spending a little time at their house, eating ice cream and listening to the daughter talk about how great she was (not really, but she was apparently very smart), we went to the center area of Beijing. Here the streets and buildings were all in stone, and there were many small shops. Then we went to a small restaurant right in the area called Hu Tong Pizza. Afterwards we walked around for a while. There was a small man made lake where boats sat. So that was how my last full day in China went. Tomorrow my flight leaves for home.

Reflection

2009-04-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

The purpose of my blog was simply to fulfill the requirement for this class, English 250. There was no goal of mine other than to acquire a decent grade. Of course, in doing this assignment the blog inevitably gains a sense of purpose in displaying information about my interests and ideas. One goal I did have in writing posts for my blog was to not write about my daily life very much, because I do not think that it is very interesting and I don't want anyone to have to be bored reading about every little detail of every day....even if it is just one person reading my blog. To maintain interests several rhetorical elements need to be added.

Out of the written, audio, visual, and electronic strategies of my weblog, the written strategy is without a doubt the strongest of mine. This is because I have spent the most time on this aspect of the blog. It is effective in conveying my thoughts and feelings, because it contains personal opinions and inner thoughts. I did not post my writings daily at all, because I added to them or changed them after thinking about them more.

The audio portion consists of only a song or two that I mention in my blog postings. This is because I think the audio could be slightly distracting to someone trying to view my page, or, as with some blogs, annoying if it restarts with every page refreshment.

Pictures for visual elements are also only added when they pertain to something I mention in a post. I realize that I could add pictures that simply convey messages about who I am or what I like, but it is not my goal for people to get to know me. For my diary, I would like to have a slideshow only so that readers have a better idea of what my time was like there, since I realize that I have left out a lot of details and information that I simply did not think to add.

Electronically, there will be a few videos that combine audio/visual elements. I would also like to include some links to other websites.

Ultimately, my blog is informative. It informs any readers about me and my life. I have written about things that happened to me, how I feel about things, or just ideas that I ponder. These are my personal experiences from my own viewpoint—something you can't really find anywhere else unless you talk to me. This is still true even though it leaves out a lot of information about my life. It also informs them on a few things that I have researched or found interesting, such as the religion Santería or genetic engineering. There is nothing that I am trying to persuade to readers. There is nothing about myself that I am trying to convince anyone to believe or have any sort of opinion about me.

The fact that I am not trying to convince anyone anything about myself is also the reason my blog is rhetorically honest and ethical. There were no specific intentions I had in portraying my identity. This is especially believable because there isn't really anyone viewing my blog besides my professor to impress. I suppose you could argue other students in class, but there opinion of me does not mean much to me. Specifically, you can see in my blog times where I discuss my own weaknesses. Times of fear and sadness show up in my diary, and overall weaknesses when I compare myself to my siblings. I must say my identity has not been completely portrayed, which in one way does make it less honest. There are major parts of my life that have been for the most part left out—such as my boyfriend, my parents, my friends and my pets. I am not sure why I have kept it from being completely revealing about me, but perhaps I am just not entirely comfortable with being so intimately tied to something as intangible as the internet.

Genericized Trademarks

2009-04-28T00:24:00.000-07:00

Genericized trademarks are brand names that we use as nouns, in reference to everyday things. My dad has brought to my attention, when appropriate, a few of them such as Kleenex and PingPong. He has also told me that the word “blinker,” referring to a car signal, is also actually supposed to be called a “directional,” but I'm not sure if Blinker is a brand name so I'm not including that in my list. I am sure there are plenty of instances where most of us don't know the name for something so we've named it ourselves. Yet, that would be a different list. Anyway, I think it is interesting how much power some brands have had over the market this way. Some people may not even realize that there is a term other than the brand name (which they might not have even realized is a brand name). Here is a list of all of the brand names we use as nouns that I could think of or have come across.

Kleenex
Ping-Pong
Bandaid
Scotch tape
Cool Whip
Windex
Q-tip
Coke (South)
Frisbee
Saltines
Slinky
Tylenol
Yo-yo (Duncan)
Tupperware
Google
Sharpie
Dumpster
ChapStick
Ziploc
Post-it
Saran Wrap
Crock Pot
Escalator
White Out
Jacuzzi
Velcro
Jello
Aspirin
Kerosene
Popsicle
Xerox
Play-Doh
Jungle Gym
Hula Hoop
TV Dinner (Swanson)
LEGOs

25 Things About Me

2009-04-28T00:19:00.000-07:00

1. It bothers me when people aren't grammatically correct.
2. I believe in ghosts (or whatever you want to call them), but in general see superstition as a sign of unintelligence (and therefore roll my eyes when people to tell me to make a wish at 11:11 or roll the Magic 8 Ball for an answer).
3. I love deep conversations, but have a hard time finding people to have them with.
4. I am usually a very good listener, but I don't talk very much, especially in groups.
5. I prefer hanging out with only one or a few people at once.
6. I am really grateful that nothing extremely bad/sad has happened in my past, and hope that it doesn't imply there is something yet to come in the future.
7. I have never had a serious relationship, and feel like my independence is sometimes a flaw because it can make me lonely.
8. I don't watch a lot of TV. By not a lot I mean hardly any at all.
9. I like to travel.
10. I play volleyball.
11. I find something to admire in everyone, and try to remember to give them honest compliments.
12. Ever since I was little I have been a mostly serious but easygoing person who never gets too worked up about anything.
13. It bothers me when I hurt people's feelings by accident (usually due to sarcasm that doesn't play out like sarcasm).
14. I kind of want to learn sign language.
15. I think that, in general, I act conservatively but think openly.
16. I strongly believe in the power of attitude.
17. I think that we are all responsible. For what we do, no matter how we feel...and for who we become, regardless of background and circumstances.
18. People are most funny to me when they are not trying to be.
19.. I am pretty health conscious.
20. I like nature a lot.
21. I love making cookies, and playing taboo (or other games, like banana grams).
22. When I am nervous or don't know what to say, I smile.
23. Unfortunately, I think I am pretty pessimistic.
24. I wish that I was a good artist.
25. I have not yet found my talent, or my dream.

The Tempest

2009-04-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

The day my cousin Deric, my sister and I decided to set out on a relaxing paddle boat ride around Stager Lake was a beautiful one. After pushing the old tan and green paddle boat so that it gently glided on to the smooth, clear water, scattering the small fish below, we slowly trudged along the boarders of the serene lake. This lake surrounded by trees was full of life. The warmth of the sun and the fresh breeze soothed us as we peered down at the plants and animals at the bottom.

Midway this ideal day the outing became regrettable, as unexpected and daunting gray clouds began to form above us in a discouraging suggestion of an imminent storm. The bright blue sky grew dim and small drops of rain chilled my tan skin. The quietness of the lake was eradicated as rain fell harder and rolling thunder sounded. In just moments it felt as though enormous buckets of water were being dumped from the heavens. The previously unruffled water was now in a choppy disformation, clashing against itself angrily. Lighting came in bright flashes, spreading about the sky. Squished against one another, our young legs and feet slid against the pedals, and our soaked life jackets enclosed our chest with a cold sensation.

Quickly my arms moved in desperation to relieve the boat from the weight of the water, scooping and splashing with cupped hands. My heart clinched as “what ifs” ran through my head and a state of panic settled throughout me. Aware of our distance from safety, we decided to cut through the middle of the lake, towards grandma's now blurry brown house, only to find it much more difficult to pedal and turn.

The insignificant stench of sweat mixed with rain water as they formed drops on my upper lips tasting like tears with the flavor of apprehension. The sounds of the pedaling grew louder and louder and water splashed against all sides of the paddle boat. Scores of uncontrollable swaying trees rustled noisily in warning of our circumstance. My breath became shortened as the never ending push towards shelter became noticeable tiring. However, it did end after what seemed like hours, when we finally hit land, tied up the boat, threw aside our heavy jackets and raced towards the door. The look on our faces when we got inside were of incredible relief. Drenched in water, we soppingly walked to our loved ones to give big hugs in thankfulness for our survival and in relief for our liberation.

Why We Suffer

2009-04-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

People generally think fairly highly of themselves, consider themselves somewhat noble. This is because they understand all of the reasoning behind every action they've ever made, and can therefore be 100% sympathetic of themselves. Now, some people do express self-loathing and express self destructive behavior. Why is this?

Maybe people make themselves suffer because they want to feel happiness.

“Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some.” -Jose Marti

Darkness, hate, sadness, anger, pain.....most people would think life would be great if these negative things and their relatives would just leave us alone. What people don't realize is that they are, ironically, vital to our happiness. This is because it is impossible to realize the attributions of one side without at some point realizing those of the other. If all one ever knew was bliss, then one wouldn't really know bliss would they? One wouldn't be able to appreciate or understand an emotion if there was no angle to comparatively view it from. Similarly, any sense of good health could not be understood without any suffering and disease. Why do we need to have a sense happiness and good health? Isn't experiencing them alone enough? A sense of emotion is significant to experiencing that emotion. Otherwise, the experience is entirely out of mind, unconsciously existing, and therefore unknown. And this is why a utopia could not possibly exist.

So it makes sense that humans choose to suffer to understand happiness. For the same simple reason that there would be no light without dark, or life without death...still, creating inflictions when there are none seems to be more of a developed problem. A counteractive process. Perhaps it has been developed due to the world around us which has made life seem ever so complicated.

I can't help but connect this to Thoreau's Walden where belief in the power and purpose of simplicity emerges. Perhaps, in the same way that more possessions create more wants, more good things create more opportunities for sorrow and suffering. A solution to this, then, would be to simply appreciate the positive things more fully. Sometimes what we believe to be good things are really just forms of false happiness. Therefore a solution is not to crowd oneself with false happiness in the form of materialistic things, because it only allows for one to be let down when one realizes that it will not bring happiness. False visions or goals of happiness are a major cause of the developed form of inventing our own problems. It makes the most sense that one should enjoy all of the good things in life and accept only the inevitable suffering, which will be enough for us to understand happiness.

Special or Just Lucky?

2009-04-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

Most of us, in spite of what our parents and mentors might have told us, never really confirm the notion that we are special—that we are unique and important.

Why is this? Maybe it is because of the scientists who have informed us that our life span is really just a fleeting moment in the history of the universe. Maybe it is because deep down we know that Drake's equation is right, and earth is far from being the only place where life exists. We have wrapped are head around the idea of how small and insignificant we are in the whole scheme of things.

We look around and see the billions of people on Earth living and breathing just like us. It's comforting, no doubt. Yet it also gives us the urge, the desperate need, to prove ourselves. To become someone noticeable and create something meaningful. We conclude that if we can't be perfect like the world asks us to be, we aren't special at all. We conclude that we are not important unless we make a significant impact; unless we can earn a lot of money or save a lot of lives.

So maybe we are right and we are really not that special. Just dust in the wind.

Nonetheless, we are undeniable lucky. Just because we are ordinary doesn't mean we don't have a lot to be grateful for.

Consider the following:

"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here.”- Richard Dawkins

Some of us just get to be lucky and special.

Reflective Essay-Week 8

2009-03-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

Leah Hart lies on the hard cement, up against a wooden fence, painted white. She has been at rest here for quite some time, and it is now nearly six in the morning. As she begins to wake up to the trickling sound of water, she slowly opens her eyes and gently stretches her lean limbs. Breathing in she is suddenly overwhelmed with the smell of damp soil, and the warm humid temperature of the air.

Leah rapidly fills with fear as she props herself up and tries to interpret the unfamiliar, unrecognizable surroundings. She thinks to herself in a panic, heart racing. Where am I? How did I get here?... “Hello? Is anyone there?” She tries hard to make out the strange shapes around her, but it is still dark except for some dim light off in the distance. Swiftly moving her hand around the cement she feels leaves; mostly dead, crinkly leaves but also some fresh leaves. Leah stands, grabs hold of the fence and looks over it to find a dark hole. Her head brushes against something and, startled, she jumps. Now she is sweating, and not only because of the warm, stale air. As far as Leah is concerned the temperature should be half of what it is considering it is February. “All I know is I can't be home.” She whispers to herself.

Turning around to see what it was that brushed her, she finds what resembles a towering tree. A strange looking tree whose branches bark was covered with something fuzzy and soft. To gather clues of her location, she decides to follow the narrow cement path she feels below her. “Is anyone there?” Leah calls out hopelessly. No answer. The bridge had ended, and she now walked straight until running into what felt to be a wooden ledge about waist high. This ledge was covered with small stones. She is afraid to feel her way further, but as she focuses her eyes in the dark she is curious of the peculiar forms of varying heights before her, spaced almost evenly apart by about a foot.

She walks further along the ledge, using it as support and desperately searching now for something familiar. Then the ledge stops. The next thing Leah is able to grab is extremely hot. A metal pipe of some sort. If it weren't for her immediate reflexive response she would have burnt her hand.

Dropping her hand it falls into something wet. She quickly pulls her hand away. “Ah!” she mutters. She could recognize the feeling of stone, and water, but the water she put her hand in was slimy! “What is this?” “Where am I?” Light begins to trickle over the water as the sun begins to rise. The water is green with algae. The stone is in the shape of a round bowl placed on a stand. She makes the connection. “A bird bath.” It is now a bit lighter, and as she glances around to see that the shapes on the ledge were potted plants; to see that she is not outside but in fact there are glass walls; to see that the pipe is heating the building. She walks back to where she initially lay. The droopy soft material that brushed her has a tag: Bromeliaceae Tillandsia Usneoides (Spanish Moss) se. US to Argentina. The dark whole is now a pond, with several coy fish and leaves resting at the bottom.

“Ooh” Leah breathes out lightly in relief, and concludes her stay with a small chuckle as she heads for the door. “It's coming back to me now.”

Reflective Essay-Week 7

2009-03-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

In her essay “You're Short, Besides!” Sucheng Chan explains how being handicapped has led others to perceive her differently than she views herself. She conveys this argument effectively through the use of specific rhetorical devices. These devices include imagery, pathos, and organization.

Chan's imagery allows the reader to visualize her lifelong struggle with walking. For example, she describes specifically how two rows of chairs were set up to face each other so that she could hold her body up with her arms and drag her feet along the simulated parallel bars. It is a significant point that the reader understands her determination to walk and the immense amount of effort it took to do so. Through her imagery it is clear that others are unable to realize this private burden of mental and physical anguish that accompanies a handicapped person.

Another element utilized by Chan is pathos, or appeal to emotion. Throughout the essay, she appeals to the reader's emotion by means of personal stories related to her handicap. One story that stands out involves Chan falling across the stage at a piano recital, at which point a voice from the audience shouted that a cripple should not be allowed to perform in public. The situation, including her tears, and the rapid pace at which she then played her piece, draws sympathy from the reader. This sympathy connects to her main point of difference in perception because while others have constantly assumed she was self-consciousness about her leg, she has felt fearless of ridicule ever since this event.

Along with imagery and pathos, organization assists Chan in expressing her argument. The essay is organized chronologically from when she was first struck with polio and pneumonia at age four, to present day where she feels being handicapped is accelerating her aging process, marked by her backaches and loss of concern about her attractiveness. This organization identifies significant events in her life related to her handicapped in a manner that is easy to follow. The essay first accounts her childhood, including her relocation from China to Malaysia, her schooling, and her health. It then recalls her teaching experiences in America and her wedding. The chronological order of the essay reflects the order in which she herself realized the conceptions others had of her, and at which points her self-perception played a major role in her attitude towards her handicap.

Imagery, pathos, and organization are the three main rhetorical elements that contribute to the effectiveness of Chan's description of how her handicap has been perceived by others as something to be self-conscious about, to be concerned about for spiritual correlation, or to be ignored for the sake of politeness. The devices also display how she, on the other hand, prefers not to feel or act handicapped at all.

Reflective Essay-Week 5

2009-02-17T11:25:00.000-08:00

With the number of blogs and online diaries growing, web-based autobiographical writing has become more well established and popular than ever. “Screening Moments, Scrolling Lives: Diary Writing on the Web” by Madelein Sorapure takes a close look at the the effect of this type of diary writing on the reformation of the way autobiographical self. A blog titled PostSecret, which contains postings of anonymous homemade postcards disclosing secrets, is one example of online diary writing.

Like all online diaries, the PostSecret diary writing differs from the traditional diary in composition. The Web is intangible and therefore the information gained from the physical materiality of the diary is lost. Instead, diaries on the web are provided tools that allow for personal expression in a new form, from colors to pictures to layout. Online diarists and bloggers have a greater opportunity to express what they want others to view as their identity publicly though multimedia. PostSecret does not necessarily utilize this format, because the attention focuses on the postcards, which were received in the physical form, by mail. However, the fact that the postcards are read on the Internet means that it does lose this sense of substance. Yet, it is essential to be on the web because it reaches a large amount of people in less amount of time. The benefit of having this public display therefore outweighs the loss of materiality in this case.

From Sorapure's examples, it seems common for authors of online diaries to want to keep their writing open only to the unknown public, or those that they do not know directly. After all, it is difficult to reveal one's innermost self, as we expect in a diary, if the people you are writing about are aware of it. This one sense of privacy therefore appears to be essential to containing the ultimate purpose of a diary-total freedom self expression through autobiographical writing. PostSecret is anonymous, allowing for this freedom, but when a postcard is created and sent in, one has the choice to hint at something they may have wanted to say to someone in particular, assuming they will read it, without actually doing it.

PostSecret is a creative and successful blog because of these characteristics. It is personal yet public, it is secretive yet revealing. It gives it's many writers and readers a method of sharing and connecting to one another through honest, intimate, but risk-free interaction that is difficult to achieve by any other method.

Reflective Essay-Week 2

2009-01-27T08:37:00.000-08:00

Lars Eighner in his article “On Dumpster Diving” gives readers an insightful look at the practical art of dumpster diving by informing them on various aspects of the survival method. There is an overall informative tone throughout the article, yet he also incorporates condescending and optimistic mentalities that develop a personal view.

As Eignher instructively covers topics such as how to determine if something is safe to eat, the process of learning to scavenge, ethics among scavengers, and the variety of items you can find in a dumpster, he gives thorough details. These details are essential to the article, for they both help create credibility and imagery, sustaining attention and interest. His eloquent diction also adds to the creditableness. Eighner uses sophisticated words, and is very precise about his labeling, preferring “scavenger” over “dumpster diver.” His diction also helps to alleviate the assumption that the homeless are always uneducated.

Deviating from the didactically, Eighner speaks of can scroungers, winos, and college students in a condescending tone, for it is clear that he resents the fact that they let perfectly good items go to waste. Yet, he retains good ethics concerning the invasion of privacy among individuals, whose sensitive information is found in dumpsters. We also see that he shows a fondness towards his dog, Lizbeth, whom it is clear has been a loyal companion to his experiences.

Additionally, there is an underlying optimism towards this position he considers an “honorable niche.” He shows pride in the skills he has gained, such as needlework. Eighner attempts to balance out his positive attitude by being frank about the dangers of scavenging, which also paints a more realistic scene for the reader. He finishes the article with some thoughtful comments on the lessons he has learned through his experience.

Reflective Essay-Week 1

2009-01-20T10:08:00.000-08:00

Growing up with three siblings certainly has had a definitive impact on what I perceive to be my identity. Although we all look incredibly similar—tall and thin, with the same facial features—we are each truly individualistic. Due to skillful parenting, we all do act very well mannered and respectful, but, also due to skillful parenting, our separate personalities and interests have been encouraged and loved. After being inevitably compared to one another for years, we've each had time to cherish our differences and make them our way of standing out. After all, children can't help but to compare themselves to one another, and to fight for attention and acceptance from adults through their actions.

Because of this, our differences can be easily characterized. Dana, my older sister, is the social butterfly, always easily making conversation and being comfortable in a room of people. Perhaps this is why I view myself as fairly shy and uncomfortable in large groups, because her personality has emphasized this in me. She's got style and knows how dress up, and next to her I sometimes feel unfashionable and awkward.

The eldest of my younger brothers, Dalton, is the artist and handy man, with his abilities to draw and fix things. Dalton knows a lot of practical things, and is great with technology. Whenever I need help with something I ask him. Sometimes it makes me feel as though I have a lack of common sense, or maybe just a lack of useful information and skill. When, in reality, just because his knowledge is very useful, doesn't mean it's common.

Dwight, the youngest, is the comic, always making us laugh with jokes he stacks in his excellent memory, and entertaining us with his performances of magic tricks. I envy his ability to relax and be worry-free, because it is something that in no way comes easy for me. He reminds me that effort isn't always necessary.

Of course, as I have admired my siblings for some of their characteristics, they have done the same for me. I'm the serious intellectual who always did well in school, aiming high and sometimes overachieving. I've come to consider myself the worldly one, through language and travel, but also through educating myself on global topics they seem to know nothing about. In addition, I am very independent, which is partly why I don't feel the need to be very social.

Observing my siblings has helped me to define my identity because they have made me realize what I am not. We all can easily see one another's strengths, but sometimes it's hard to see our own. Therefore, by complimenting and criticizing each other, we have created a web of appreciation and recognition of strengths and weaknesses. So that we have something to be proud of, and something to improve on and admire in others.